Back When the World Was Ours Save as PDF
Chapters (79)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
  4. CONTENT WARNING
  5. 1936
  6. LEO
  7. ELSA
  8. MAX
  9. LEO
  10. ELSA
  11. MAX
  12. 1937
  13. ELSA
  14. MAX
  15. LEO
  16. EARLY 1938
  17. ELSA
  18. MAX
  19. LEO
  20. MAX
  21. LEO
  22. MAX
  23. LATE 1938
  24. ELSA
  25. MAX
  26. LEO
  27. ELSA
  28. MAX
  29. LEO
  30. 1939
  31. ELSA
  32. LEO
  33. MAX
  34. LEO
  35. ELSA
  36. LEO
  37. ELSA
  38. LEO
  39. ELSA
  40. LEO
  41. 1940
  42. MAX
  43. ELSA
  44. LEO
  45. 1941
  46. ELSA
  47. LEO
  48. ELSA
  49. MAX
  50. ELSA
  51. 1942
  52. MAX
  53. LEO
  54. ELSA
  55. 1943
  56. LEO
  57. MAX
  58. ELSA
  59. MAX
  60. ELSA
  61. 1944
  62. LEO
  63. ELSA
  64. MAX
  65. ELSA
  66. MAX
  67. ELSA
  68. MAX
  69. ELSA
  70. MAX
  71. LEO
  72. PAPA
  73. 1945
  74. LEO
  75. 2021
  76. LEO
  77. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  78. A list of resources and further reading
  79. About the Author

I took his hand, as if to accept the handshake. Between our palms was a piece of card I knew so well – even without looking at it. I knew the creases and the shine and the corner that was frayed.

‘I rescued it from Canada,’ he said.

Canada: the first lie I was told here. The lie handed to an innocent version of myself, a naïve girl who had stood on a platform thinking that the nice men were going to bring us our luggage.

We never saw any of it again.

And yet, here was my one precious possession, being given to me by the very person who had taken the photo in the first place!

‘Hide it,’ Mr Grunberg had urged. ‘Hide it well.’

A moment later he was gone.

Greta had found me a week later. Two gifts in one week. Our reunion was like – I cannot even say what it was like. It was like finding part of myself again. An essential part. I have known since the moment she found me that I cannot survive a day in here without her.

I don’t know what she did but she managed to get moved to the same barrack. She is one of the three beside me now. We are inseparable. She is my twin.

When I told her about the photograph, she pursed her lips tightly.

‘Where is it now?’ she had asked.

I’d pointed at the bed. The flea-ridden, moth-eaten scrap of filthy, lumpy mattress we share each night. ‘Under here.’

‘Elsa, you have to move it!’ she had said. ‘People have been killed for less!’

A day later, she had somehow found a needle and cotton. Greta manages things like that. She never tells me how. ‘I promise, it is safer that you don’t know,’ she had said. ‘And believe me, you don’t want to have to do what I do to get these things.’

The haunted look on her face when she said that was enough to stop me questioning further.

That night, we sewed the photograph into my dress. It has stayed there ever since.

Greta is whispering in my ear now. She lies behind me in our night-time formation. Her arm lies across my body. What there is of it. ‘Body’ feels too grand a word for the walking skeletons that we have become.

‘Elsa, are you awake?’ she whispers. ‘Squeeze my hand for yes.’

I reach for her hand and squeeze it.

In an even lower voice, so quiet I have to stop breathing to hear her, she says, ‘We are escaping. Tonight.’

I have to fight every impulse in my body not to leap out of bed and scream, ‘What?’

Or I would if my body had the energy to leap anywhere. Still. I do not know how to respond, and so I lie there, silent and stiff.

‘Did you hear me?’ Greta asks.

I squeeze her hand.