And we do. Of course we do. But not on the transport. We’ve heard stories about the transport. Rumours. Terrible, terrible rumours.

And even with the rats and the lice and the hunger and the punishments and the daily cruelty, we know that as long as we are not on the list for deportation, we can still count ourselves amongst the lucky ones.

1943

LEO

Mama was sitting on the bottom stair when I woke up and came downstairs.

‘Mama, you’ll catch a chill. You haven’t even got slippers on,’ I said.

‘The postman’s late,’ she said. ‘He should be here by now. Why isn’t he here?’

My heart deflated inside me. Since we heard from Papa last year, she had done this almost every day. Waiting for a letter. Even when she didn’t sit on the stairs like this, I could see it on her mind – the anticipation, the tiny flame of hope that we might hear from him again. And every day she was disappointed.

‘What if he’s dead?’ she asked. Long gone are the days where she tried to protect me from the worst of her fears. Long gone are the times when I asked myself which of us needed to be the strong one.

I sat down beside her and put an arm around her shoulders. She felt so small beside me, and not just because I had got taller. She was shrinking almost as quickly as I was growing.

‘He’s not dead,’ I said.

‘How do you know?’

I held a hand against my chest. ‘I feel it in here. In my heart, I know he’s alive.’

She leaned her head on my shoulder for a moment, and then—

‘He’s here!’ Mama jumped up as a shadow walked past the front window.

Yes, there was an envelope coming through the door. Mama was there ready to grab it before it had even come through the letterbox.

I prepared myself. I knew what was about to happen. The same as every other day.

‘It’s a bill,’ Mama said. Her shoulders sank so low her whole body seemed to crumple.

Now. Here was my moment. Tell her. Just tell her. Take her mind off the postman and the bills and the long days without Papa.

‘I’ve got a girlfriend!’ I blurted out. My face burned with embarrassment, my arms hung stupidly by my side.

Since Annie and I had met at the cinema last year, we’d become good friends. In many ways, it had felt like having Elsa back in my life. A girl to tease me and laugh with me and share stories of our lives with each other. It felt like a precious gift. Annie had brought a piece of myself back to me.