‘OK,’ he says, kissing my forehead before releasing me – letting me know he doesn’t consider me a complete twat.

His gesture fails to ease the itchiness in my head as I walk up the stairs to our bedroom. Instead of getting changed I sit on our bed and collapse backwards. With my arms draped over my face I become increasingly aware of the walls closing in on me.

An idiot would be able to point out that whatever Liam did when I walked through the door tonight would’ve resulted in me being a bitch and starting an argument. If he’d carried on with his game, argument. If he’d shot out of his seat and asked how it went, argument. I wonder at what point that became a thing. Since Pia’s death? Or before? When did I go from wanting him to be the one person seeing the absolute best of me, to allowing him to be the only person who sees the worst of me? When did I start thinking it was acceptable for me to be so rude to him? I’m pretty sure he doesn’t do the same to me. He shows nothing but love and understanding, yet he’s become my punchbag. One day I might just hit too hard. One day the sparring might just be too unpleasant for him to stay.

Is this a response to recent loss? Or has communication actually failed us and been failing us for quite some time?

I wonder if other couples have moments like this. It’s hardly something they’d share on Instagram or in witty Facebook posts. Is this the truth to all relationships? Did Mike and Pia have grouchy moments? Do Vicky and Nick unravel every so often and wonder if they’ll ever feel connected in the same way again? Or is the underlying current of mine and Liam’s relationship turning toxic? Or is it possible for one person in a relationship to feel entirely different to the other?

Am I happy? The question startles me. Partly because it makes me think about where I am in life and all the frogs I’ve kissed who turned out to actually be rats in disguise, all the first dates I’ve sat at cringing, all the guys who let me down without so much as a thought-through goodbye. All the tears I was glad to be rid of when Liam walked into my life and showed me how different things could be with his humour and caring ways …