It’s strange saying goodbye to them, but Liam, Nick and the kids are ready to whisk them away from the middle of arrivals so they can head to weddings and some fun, which is fair enough. More hugs, more laughter, some promises to see each other next week, and then we’re apart. Which, after such an intense trip away, feels incredibly strange.

34

Zaza

‘No, there was an actual toilet in there!’ I say, trying to help Liam get to grips with the loo situation while unpacking my weekend bag. Having packed it before the trip to ensure I could get up to Liverpool swiftly, it feels weird to suddenly be diving into a bag of things that a pre-trek me had packed. It’s full of all the luxury items I realized I didn’t need on the trek, and although it was freeing to realize that at the time, it’s also exciting to see my toiletry and makeup bags again. It’s also incredible to be staying in Thornton Manor for a couple of nights, which is a period house on a massive estate just outside Liverpool. Needless to say it’s vastly different from sleeping in a tent with your mate who has diarrhoea.

‘So you had plumbing in there?’ Liam asks, his face falling into an amused frown as he reclines on the hotel sofa and tucks into the fruit platter that’s been laid out for us to enjoy on arrival.

‘Nooo,’ I laugh, taking out my nude stilettos and putting them in the large wardrobe, wondering how my feet are going to slip into them when they’re still covered in the Compeed and zinc oxide tape Scott had shown me how to use. ‘It was a tall tent, you walked in, zipped the door up behind you and then there was what looked like a proper loo but a bit smaller and flimsier. Inside it there was a bag of that blue stuff you see in festival loos. No flush. Just go in a bag and leave.’

‘And you used it?’ he asks, sucking on a strawberry.

‘I told you – I immersed myself fully,’ I say, standing up proudly to give a little curtsey. ‘I mean I really didn’t want to use it at first, but the alternative was a totally wild loo trip with my bum out, and that felt far worse.’

He laughs in response.

‘Oh God, I haven’t told you about the coca leaves yet!’ I say, shaking my head as I put my underwear in the cupboard drawers.

‘What?’ he says when I’ve filled him in. ‘And they perk you up? Are you sure you’re not on them now?’

‘Oh ha-de-har,’ I say with a laugh. ‘I’m not sure they worked though, and they tasted horrible.’

‘Shame,’ he shrugs.