‘I have to get over myself and put Chloe in nursery for a start,’ I say, gauging his expression for a reaction but, of course, he doesn’t even flinch at the suggestion. We’d hardly be the first people to send their child to one. ‘I’ve kept her home all this time because that’s what we did with Barnaby. And I know that was because I then fell pregnant with Chloe so was home anyway and it didn’t make sense to send him anywhere but, because he had that time with me, just the idea of sending her had left me feeling guilty. I’ve thought about it and now I think it would be good for her. She needs things that I can’t offer her, and that’s OK. It doesn’t mean I’ve failed her. She should be mingling with other people, children and adults, finding new things that interest her and enjoying different experiences. Plus, I think having a bit more independence would just empower her so she doesn’t feel the need to do things like chuck food at me.’

‘The food chucking!’ Nick states. It somehow makes me feel better that it’s not just me she’s done this to now. ‘Where has she got that from?’

‘No idea, but she’s got incredible aim and precision when she wants to.’

‘Oh it’s a solid throw,’ he says in awe. ‘Future shot-put champion at the Olympics, that’s for sure.’

‘Messy though,’ I muse.

‘Can we put Bluey on?’ Barnaby shouts up the stairs. My guess is that he’s already got the control in his hand, he’s just waiting for clearance.

‘Yes!’ I yell, turning back to Nick who’s looking at me expectantly.

‘So that was the first thing,’ he nudges.

‘I need to work on me,’ I say, feeling the sting of tears threatening, relieved when they don’t come because I know I must speak, I have to get this out. ‘My life has changed so much since the children came along. I know it has for both of us but there’s hardly one thing about me that I recognize as me – my day-to-day workings, my body, my mind – all of them have been completely altered and I don’t think I’ve taken any time to process that. When I was away I wondered whether my career was the thing that I needed to resurrect. You know I got such a buzz from it, but that would invariably invite in more stress which, with your job and its demands and overtime, might not be the best thing for our kids. I don’t think that would solve anything. So, I’m not heading back into the studio any time soon, although I still wouldn’t rule that out in the future …’

‘Right,’ he nods.