My head pounds as I try to force open my eyes following the worst night’s sleep since I brought Chloe back from the hospital as a newborn. I can handle being sleep-deprived, it’s my natural state these days, but my sleep was so broken last night. Not only was I suffering from a feeling of unease following our unexpected fall-out, it then felt like I was sleeping on a block of ice, even though I’d folded up my puffer jacket to use as a pillow, alongside my blow-up travel one. The result is a sore head and a groggy disposition, which is a sorry state to be waking up in on what is supposed to be an enlightening and uplifting trip.

On top of all that I’m desperate for the loo and have been for quite some time. I’ve tried to ignore it. Firstly because being inside my sleeping bag has to be warmer than being out of it, and secondly because I haven’t really fancied taking the trip to the loo tent in the dark. However, I can see it’s lighter outside now and I really can’t hold it for much longer. My bladder has taken quite the bashing since becoming a mum and holding it in feels like an uncomfortably testing place to be.

I look over and see Zaza completely curled into her sleeping bag with not even the top of her head poking out.

My tummy knots as I take her in. Deciding not to torment myself further, I wriggle ungracefully out of my sleeping bag, crouch over to my boots and shove them on without properly doing them up and just twirl the laces in loops around the top so I don’t trip over them.

Trying to be as quiet as I can, I grab my water bottle before pulling on the zip of the tent door (quickly learning there is no silent way of working one) and walk through the opening before not-so-quietly shutting it behind me.

Standing up straight I take in the view around me, which is so different from what I am usually greeted with first thing – a wailing child, a stressful dash to get out of the house and on the school run. I take a deep breath. The fresh air hitting my lungs is such a welcome feeling.

Once I’ve relieved myself I stand outside and stretch my arms over my head before giving my puffy face a rub. My head still throbs.

I let out a long, slow exhale before sitting on a nearby rock and pulling my knees into my chest.