And I can hear the thud of his body working. His bones as he skids on stones. His lungs as he sucks in the world and his veins as he pumps it round his body.

And somehow it makes me feel close to Cecelia.

Running is horrible.

Air stabs in my chest.

A stitch claws at my ribs.

But also.

I feel sort of

A L I V E.

The world rocks from side to side and in it I see people walking blurs of dogs, elderly couples browsing souvenir shops, hand in hand, a huge ship stalking the horizon.

And then that sound starts to buzz again.

For a moment,

I think I’m having a heart attack.

Then I realize it’s just the phone on my chest.

I stop, stooping to look at the caller ID.

I see a whisper of his hair – long and dark – and it sends a charge through my shoulders.

The buzzing stops. ‘Another call?’

I pant like a dog

and crawl to a bench.

‘Just my dad again.’

Sitting feels

miraculous.

‘Oh – but you said he left?’

‘Yeah.

Exactly.

He left, but he keeps calling,

like that makes it okay.’

‘Maybe calling is all he can do …’ I say, looking at my feet trapped under the duvet.

‘He’s in Australia, so, yeah.

It was his choice to go, though.

He got some opportunity at work and just –

left.

Even with Mam being –’

I look out to sea,

where a bloke is skipping stones with a kid

about Jonah’s age.

‘Anyway. What are your folks like?

Your mam’s the careers lady, yeah?’

I clench my fists, thinking carefully.

‘My mum works at the school, yes. And my dad’s in IT.’

‘Any brothers or sisters?’

‘No – just me.’ I try to say it cheerily. Although sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have another kid trapped inside this family with me.

The bloke and kid I’m watching

chase each other,

up and down the beach.

‘Seems like a pretty sweet deal.’

I bite my lip. Because here he is again, making assumptions about me and my life, with no idea –

But that’s what I want, isn’t it? That’s what will make him stay.

‘It’s not all roses, you know. Being … home-schooled. It gets lonely.’

I look at my shoes.

‘Why don’t you come out here, then?

Come running.’

My heart is beating like I already am out there.

‘I can’t do that,’ I say quickly. ‘Anyway, you’re Living for me, remember? Our project?’