‘I don’t know …’

I spin round.

I have an hour. An hour all to myself.

And usually I’d just go and sit on the climbing frame.

Wait it out.

But with Alice the world seems different.

New.

‘Come on!

If you were here living,

ghost girl,

what would you do?’

I can feel my heart racing through spoons, because what would I do? What would I do if I hadn’t got that silly virus when I was ten? If I hadn’t felt the Illness tear me apart from my body and I had one that worked as well as the one I’m seeing now, with a whole world stretched out in front of it?

‘I would be Living,’ I splutter. ‘With a capital L. I would be swallowing the world whole. I would dive to the bottom and climb to the top. I would squeeze the earth in my fists and plant myself down and let my roots clutch at everything, from the everyday to the extraordinary.’

The wind is trying to

WHIP

her weirdo words

A W A Y,

but I hear them.

‘With a capital L, eh?’

I look at the sea

chewing up the seabed

and I run back to the golf

to fetch something.

I’m feeling silly for saying all of that, because it probably wasn’t very normal and he’s started to run.

His boss raises her eyebrows as he charges up to her, but doesn’t say anything as he unwinds a clear plastic bag with an orange string from the display at the back of the shop.

‘I’ll bring it back,’

I say as she shrugs.

He runs back towards the water, the world shaking from side to side. And I’m almost ready to apologize and tell him that he can do anything he likes with his time off, as long as I get to watch. But then I spot a shoe. And a pair of trousers. And I can’t help but think about Cecelia’s warning about men and cameras, so I shout, ‘What are you doing?’

I must be going mad.

‘Going in the sea.

That seems like an “Alice” thing to do, right?’

I choke on something because, yes. Yes. That’s what I’d be doing. That’s exactly what I’d be doing. And now I’m watching him doing it for me and I feel like I’m there, in my swimming costume, looking out at waves that want to swallow me whole and knowing that I’m strong enough to beat every single one.

‘You can swim, can’t you?’

I take off the camera strap

and my hoodie

and my T-shirt

until I’m standing on the beach,

shivering in my undies.

‘I guess we’ll find out.’