Cecelia has curled my hair and burned me with the curlers so much it feels like my ear might never recover. Fran and Charlie have dropped by for the third time this week, this time with one of their purple boiler suits. I almost feel like part of their gang now I’m in uniform.

‘You so have the boobs for boiler suits, doesn’t she, Charlie?’ Fran says, playing with my collar as Charlie keeps his eyes on the ray on the ceiling.

Cecelia laughs and whacks him with her hairbrush. ‘Charlie – listen to your girlfriend and compliment Alice’s boobs already!’

Charlie slinks off to the door, muttering, ‘There are too many girls in this group.’ He turns to look at me before he leaves, though. ‘Good luck, Alice – you’ll be great.’

I smile at him as he knocks into Dad on his way out.

‘There are a million people on this platform,’ he says. ‘Did you know that? A million.’

‘Dad,’ I sigh, trying to stop the butterflies racing round my stomach. ‘You’re not helping.’

Cecelia steps back and looks at me. ‘I’m worried you look too hot now. I mean – you’re going to be talking about what it’s like to have zero energy and looking like fricking Emma Stone or something? It doesn’t make sense.’

I bat Fran’s hand away as she tries to mess up my hair again.

‘Okay – thank you! That’s enough. Out you go, all of you.’

All three of them start talking at once and I give them a look until they turn to follow Charlie downstairs. Dad peeks his head round the door just before he closes it. ‘You sure you want to do this, kiddo?’

I take a deep breath. And I nod.

‘Knock ’em dead!’

He closes the door and then I’m alone again. Just me, in bed, with my laptop.

I look at the clock and I have two minutes until I said I’d be on.

I’ve been chatting to the other people who call themselves ‘spoonies’ all week, trying to prepare for it. And more and more people are joining all the time. Wishing me well. Waiting.

And I know they’d understand if I posted now and said that I couldn’t do it. That I don’t have the energy today.

But I’d be lying. I do. I’ve been trying to make sure of it – as much as it’s possible to do that in a sea as wild as the Illness.

I open my laptop.

Welcome back to Stream Cast, Alice

Users online:

Rowan

Online for:
1 hour

Rowan is online, which means he’s managed to get an Australian SIM card. My mouse hovers over his name and I imagine him unpacking his clothes into a new wardrobe. Looking out at Jonah racing round his new garden.

Ready to step outside again into something new.