“Teaching? You?” It’s my turn to laugh. “You hate little kids. God, you’d be the worst teacher in the world.”

She gets off the bed. “I’m talking secondary school, not primary. I actually think I’d be good with older kids, but thanks for the support, sis.”

“Sorry, but…you’ve wanted to be a photographer forever.”

“Yeah, well, the teacher pretty much said the last lot of work I did was shit.”

“Come on—you’re so talented, I’m sure she didn’t…”

“You don’t know. You weren’t there, were you? She wouldn’t even let me put them in my portfolio. A whole month’s work. So what’s the point?”

She’s been going out a lot taking photos with the camera Greg gave her, staying late at school to develop them. I glance over to the corner where she’s stashed her portfolio and sketchbooks.

“Oh, forget it,” she says, sounding exhausted. “I’m going to sleep.”

I lie awake for ages, waiting for Bella’s breathing to slip into that deep, even rhythm that tells me she’s sleeping. Then I get quietly out of bed and go and get her portfolio, unzipping it slowly so I don’t wake her. There’s just enough light shining through our half-open door so I can see the photographs, but I instantly wish there wasn’t.

Bella normally photographs the woods and the beach, gorgeous moody black-and-white shots of the mist among the trees, of the violent splash of water as the sea hits the rocks. These new ones are life studies—Bella glimpsed behind the lens through a mirror, half in shadow but clearly naked. A man, face not shown, but again, clearly naked, half-covered by a rumpled sheet. God, is it Jack? All that stuff she said about not fancying him anymore…I’ve seen them talking. I’ve seen the way she smiles at him.

I push the portfolio away from me. They’re not pornographic in any way, but they’re so intimate and so…wrong. They’re not shit, like Bella said, but I can see why her teacher wouldn’t let her put them in her coursework folder. I don’t understand. I don’t get why she would even take these into school to show. Bloody hell, maybe it’s good she’s not going to do photography at college—I can’t imagine Dad going to her exhibitions if these are the type of photos she wants to take now.

NOW

Chapter 19

Chapter 19