I want to cry at the distance that’s suddenly stretching between us. I rushed here to see her, because she’s Sophie, my best friend. I want her to reassure me, tell me it isn’t so terrible after all, I didn’t do anything. The things I said couldn’t have done that much damage.

But the fear on her face, my own growing panic—I can’t shake it. Since I found out the body in the garden is that of Greg Lewis, I can’t shake the conviction that what I did back then, what I said, whoever put Greg there, it was because of me.

“So what do you want to do now?” She says it stiffly. “Are you staying? You’re welcome, of course, but what about Julia and your dad?”

The awkwardness between us is like a solid presence I can’t breach. I shake my head. “I have to go back to Dad’s. It was stupid to run off like that. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You don’t need to rush straight off. Why don’t you stay tonight?”

I bite my lip. I could. I could call Dad, he’d understand. “You could come back with me if you want?” I say. “See Julia and my dad and…” I let the words trail off as I see the look on her face. “I’m sorry. The last thing you need is to be there with all the crap that’s going on, isn’t it? Julia, the police…I’m sorry. It has nothing to do with you.”

“I wish it didn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“How am I supposed to ignore what you just said? Shit, Tess, it sounded like the start of a confession.”

I stare at her. “A confession to what?”

“Shit,” she says again, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m saying. But…” She pauses. “I think you need to come back. Back properly, I mean, to your own flat. As soon as possible. You’re not…God, ever since you got that phone call from your dad about Julia you’ve been like a different person. Everything that happened at school, this, now, you turning up in hysterics, being questioned by the police?”

I find myself moving away from her, shifting farther down the sofa. Yes, I am like a different person. Hysterics aside, even I can see that. What I don’t know is which Tess is real—the Tess Sophie knows, or the person I am back home.

Chapter 21

Chapter 21