Back The Taming of the Tights Save as PDF
Contents ( 33)
  1. Dedication
  2. Contents
  3. Filling my tights again
  4. Lullah’s Lululuuuve List
  5. Return of the lunatic twins
  6. Snogs ahoy!
  7. The Blubberhouses Large Ladies Who Pole Dance for Fun Society
  8. Boy Ambush
  9. You don’t want to do any more winking back
  10. The fire escape of desire
  11. I’ve eaten snail shells
  12. Snogging and Jazzles
  13. The magic of puppetry
  14. Return of the beast in trousers
  15. See you there, cheeky miss
  16. My inner snogger
  17. Naughty bumberskite
  18. The church bells of doom
  19. Should I put nail varnish on my hoofs?
  20. The Dark Black Crow of Heckmondwhite
  21. He’s got the right amount of lip
  22. Praise the knees!
  23. Fir-cone earrings and knitted onesies
  24. The Taming of the Tights
  25. The Corker-Holding with Winter Socks scene
  26. Georgia’s Ace Gang Snogging Scale
  27. Tallulah’s glossary
  28. Back Ads
  29. About the Author
  30. Books by Louise Rennison
  31. Credits
  32. Copyright
  33. About the Publisher

It reminded me of when I was a little girl and my grandparents put me up on the dining room table to do Irish dancing for everyone. And Grandma said, “Oh, she’s so talented.” And then Granddad said, “Those are not normal legs,” and then there was crying. And fighting.

When the song finished, Cain shouted over the microphone, “That’s it. I’ve had enough. That’s yer lot.” And he kicked over Jack’s drum kit.

Vaisey was beside herself. “He’s kicked over Jack’s drum kit.”

The whole audience went mad, chanting, “One more song, one more song.”

Bob scurried around onstage rebuilding the drum kit. The crowd wouldn’t go home and kept chanting and eventually Cain came back to the microphone and said, “Awreet, this is the last one, and it’s a slow one so you can all cop off to it.”

Oh, he’s so crude.

“It’s called ‘I’m Your Darkest Nightmare but It’s Me You Want.’”

Jack began a really menacing drumbeat. Vaisey whispered to me, “He’s using his lucky sticks.”

Seth cranked out a jagged bass line and Cain growled out the lyrics with the mike right up against his mouth.

Bad luck and trouble

Are my middle name

If you were me, you would be the same

Hey now, baby, why dun’t you come with me

I want to show you how very bad I can be.

It was so weird and intense. I know what he’s talking about. He’s talking about that kiss on the moors. In public.

I felt hot all over and stepped back so that I could hide behind the Tree Sisters and almost fell into Charlie. He said, “Want to dance with me, Lullah?”

I said, “I don’t think I could manage any more leaping.”

Charlie smiled his lovely Charlie smile and said, “No, a proper dance with me.”

And he put my arms up round his neck. And he put his arms round my waist. I couldn’t help thinking about the hands on the bottom thing I had talked to Vaisey about. But his hands felt nice on my back. And they seemed to be in the right position. And we danced.

He felt all lovely and warm against me. I could feel him breathing. And it was sort of magic as we drifted around in a slow circle. To the weird, slow singing of Cain. I’d never done slow dancing with a boy before.

I must have had my eyes closed because I suddenly opened them to find I was facing the stage and Cain was looking directly at me. His dark eyes looked so angry and mean as he sang.

Hey now, baby, why dun’t you come with me

Because you know how very good things can be.

Then the song ended and Cain stormed off the stage shouting, “Now bog off.”

Jack and Seth and Ruben took the applause.

Seth shouted to the crowd, “Treat us gently, girls!” And then they left the stage, too.

Charlie stood with me for a minute and I didn’t know what to do with my arms. He still had one of his round my waist and it felt lovely.