Everyone started booing and yelling, “Get off!”

As the booing went on, the Bottomly sisters came in. All four of them in leather coats, Beverley in the middle. She looked around and caught my eye.

It’s official. She hates me.

Flossie said, “Ouch.”

Bob shouted through the microphone, “Gentlemen and ladies, and of course all you other dudes. Tonight is going to be mega.”

The big lads in the crowd shouted, “Get ’em off!”

And Bob said, “Yeah, nice one. Coolio. But we all know why we’re here tonight.”

The same Big Lad said, “Aye, we know why we’re here. It’s just thee we’re puzzled abaht.”

Bob said, “Brilliant. We’ve come to see one of the best bands in Yorkshire. They’re going to rock our world, they are . . . The Jones!”

Seth, Ruben, and Jack came onstage and everybody went mad.

Jack lifted up his sticks and Vaisey shouted, “He said he’d do that. He said he’d show me his sticks. That’s what he’s doing now.”

Ruben tuned up and Seth adjusted his guitar strap. Then the Dark Black Crow of Heckmondwhite walked on. The crowd were yelling and jumping up and down. Cain walked slowly up to the mike, then looked out at the crowd pogoing in front of him.

He said into the mike. “Who are we, who are we???”

And the crowd roared back, “The Jones! The Jones!”

Cain said, “Reight, that’s who we are. This is a quiet romantic number called ‘Get Someone Else and Leave Me Alone.’” And the band kicked off at full volume.

Phil shouted above the thrashing guitars and mad drumming, “You can say what you like about Cain, but he can shout loud.”

It’s true.

He put absolutely everything into it. He was twirling his mike on its lead high up into the air and catching it. He kicked against the drums. He growled and snarled his way through the first song.

I couldn’t see Charlie anywhere. Perhaps he’d forgotten about getting me a drink.

Flossie yelled, “I don’t think Cain rates girls much, do you?”

As she said that, he announced moodily, “This one is for women everywhere. It’s called ‘Girls Like You Should Be Shot.’”

Flossie raised her eyebrows at me. So the only thing to do was DANCE!

Charlie came back and handed me a Coke and tried to say something, but I couldn’t hear what it was. So we just shrugged, smiled at each other, and danced. Other people joined in, so I got separated from Charlie.

Girls really do like him. He’s a cool dancer.

When The Jones kicked into “You Are Poison,” some of the village lads made a circle and took it in turns to go into the center on their own to show off their moves. One quite big lad actually did the splits. His mates had to help him up.

After three or four village lads had done their turn, Phil walked into the center of the circle. The village lads looked like they were going to attack him, but Phil coolly rolled up his sleeves. He walked right round with his arm up.