Vaisey said, “Well, there was a vole blockage.”

Flossie said, “Yeah, but have you thought how the vole got there in the first place? Did it have a vole ladder to get up the side of the loo?”

I couldn’t help thinking that Flossie had a point.

Vaisey linked up with me. “Anyway, what else happened at the weekend, Lulles? I so wanted to go out and see Jack. I’m really missing him. Did you see anyone else besides Alex and Ruby?”

Flossie said, “Yes, did you see any menfolk? Any handsome menfolk? What about those Hinchcliff boys?”

“Well, I went down the back lane last night looking for the owlets. . . .”

Flossie said, “Did you hear me say MENFOLK?”

I looked at her, then went on. “And I heard Seth and Ruben talking to the Bottomlys by the bus stop.”

Now I’d got her attention.

I said, “Yeah, the Bottomlys told them about Beverley’s threatening letter. Seth and Ruben were quite funny about it actually. They said, ‘Oooooh, you didn’t threaten to sit on her, did tha, girls?’ And I laughed—inwardly—because obviously I didn’t want to be sat on. Anyway, the Bottomly sisters said that Dother Hall girls were posh lah-di-dah madams. Taking their lads.”

Flossie said, “So they do like us! Get to the point about Seth. Did he say anything about me?”

I said, “Yes, he did, he’s so full of himself—they’re all alike those Hinchcliffs. He said that you were a ‘bit of awreet’ and you had ‘a bloody hefty right hand’ and that you were ‘a cracking snogger’ and he might let you be near him.”

I thought she’d be furious but Flossie seemed very pleased. She started swaying along, saying, “Why, that Mr. Seth, he dun talk real naaice.”

As I was about to explain that, like all Hinchcliffs, he was a creature from the dark lagoon, we heard an awful groaning and moaning. Like someone in agony.

We all huddled together and tried to make ourselves very small.

The groaning was coming nearer and there was also a crashing sound. Like something beastly dragging itself towards us.

Then Phil crawled out of the undergrowth!!!

Dragging a ball and chain. Attached to his leg.

He looked up at us imploringly and said in a husky voice, “Jo, Jo, girls, girls, for pity’s sake, save yourselves; the dogs will be on to me soon.”

And he fell unconscious.

Jo rushed over. “Phil! My God, what have they done to you? It was only a potting shed.” And she cradled his head on her lap.

Phil said weakly, “Hoppy . . . he did this. To keep me away from you.”

Jo looked like she was going to cry. “Does it hurt anywhere?”

Phil said, “Yes, just here.” And he weakly raised his hand to his mouth. As Jo bent to have a look, he snogged her.

What?

There was more crashing and Jack and Ben came running up. As they bent over, panting, Charlie jogged in. I felt myself going red so I put my head down.