Maybe this was my moment. I could say, “Well, don’t let other people’s silly rules get in the way . . . KISS ME, YOU FOOL, and let me show you my inner glorwee . . .”

But then Alex looked at his watch.

“Uh-oh, damn, gotta dash. I’m meeting Candice and the others in Leeds.”

The Great world started rearranging itself into the Tallulah world.

I forced myself to smile.

“Oh yeah, I need to get a wiggle on. I’m off on, well, I’m, I should be going, too.”

Alex gave me another hug and said, “See you next weekend.”

How can I ever see Alex again? I am in my squirrel bed in a love daze. I must look at things factually.

In fact, I’m going to write the facts down in black and white in my DDD Diary.

The facts as I see them are:

1. Alex the Good said that if I were a bit older he would snog me. (He actually said that. That is a fact.)

2. One day I will be older.

3. In fact I will be one day older tomorrow.

4. And two days older on Sunday. In fact, I will pretty much be getting older all the time, every minute of the day. Unless the Bottomlys or Dr. Lightowler kill me.

5. He said “See you soon.” When he sees me “soon,” I will be older by however long “soon” is.

So if we take Fact 1 (him saying he would snog me if I was older) with Fact 5 (I will be older soon), the conclusion is he has more or less said that he will snog me, soon.

That’s how I see it.

But actually that is how a lunatic would see it. The actual facts are:

1. Even though it’s seven-thirty I am going to bed.

2. I told Alex that I had my nose licked by Cain.

3. I can never let Alex see my nose again.

4. Therefore, I can never see Alex again.

On Sunday I lurked about hiding behind the trees next to The Blind Pig so I could check that Alex wasn’t about. But Ruby caught me at it on her way back from walking Matilda.

She said, “What are you doing?”

I said, “Er, I was thinking of making a . . . leaf fan for . . . the, for—”

She said, “He’s gone back to college.”

And went into the pub tutting.

Thank goodness, at least I can let my nose run free.

In the afternoon, I was reading The Taming of the Shrew. It was a bit lonely in the cottage with everyone out. And there is a lot of “forsooth!” and “nay” and so on in The Taming of the Tights and not so far, it has to be said, much snogging.

Oooh, I am so restless.

I could have gone foraging with the Dobbinses or to see The Iron Pies play in Blubberhouses with Ruby, but I didn’t feel in the mood. Normally I would have been larking about with my mates, but they are cooped up, being made to clean their dorm from top to bottom.