Leaving Mr. Rochester blind.

This is one of Em, Chazza, and Anne’s more comic novels.

dunderwhelp

A polite Yorkshire way of saying: “You are an absolute disgrace of a person. Look at your knees.”

egg cozies

Little knitted hats for keeping boiled eggs warm.

garyboy

Anyone called Gary is a gay person. By that I mean Cain, Seth, and Ruben Hinchcliff say this. And even if someone called Gary wasn’t gay at first, he would be by the time he had been told he was for fourteen years.

get a cob on

To have the monk on.

You don’t know what that means either, do you?

Erm . . .

To have a face like a smacked arse.

Does that help?

Well, I’m trying to help, don’t get a cob on.

gogglers

Eyes.

To goggle is to look at stuff.

If you couldn’t see anything then you would need gogs.

golden slippers of applause

Sidone, the revered and possibly mentally unstable principal of Dother Hall, has her own unique view of the world.

Especially the showbiz world.

In this world she is obsessed by feet.

So her opposite of the “golden slippers of applause” is “the bleeding feet of rejection.”

Heathcliff

The “hero” of Wuthering Heights. Although no one knows why.

He’s mean, moody, and possibly a bit on the pongy side.

Cathy loves him, though. She shows this by viciously rejecting him and marrying someone else for a laugh. Still, that is true love on the moors for you.

heavens to Betsy

An expression of astonishment like . . .

“Gosh!”

Or, “Crikey!”

Or, as they say in Yorkshire:

“Well, I’ll go to the top of our stairs!”

I know it makes little sense but believe me it’s best not to argue about these things with Yorkshire folk. Or they will very likely get a cob on.

(see previous)

hiddly diddly diddly

The sound of all Irish songs (and dances). It fits them all.

Try it.

human glue

Aaaaah, this is the mysterious thing that happens when two people kiss and there is a sort of “uuuummphhh” moment because they both like it so much. And after that, it’s like they have magnetic lips that glue themselves to each other.

I thought that Cousin Georgia had told me about it but actually I think I made it up.

Which probably makes me a genius.

Or an idiot.

Iron Man group

An all-men’s group that hangs around with other men so that they can find their inner man-iness.

Usually they knit a lot.

In caves.

jazz hands

Sidone loves jazz hands.

Essentially it’s sticking your hands out a lot while lurching around to jazz.

laiking around

This means larking about. Or playing.

It sounds quite fun, doesn’t it?

But it isn’t.

Especially not if it is Cain, the Dark Rusty Crow of Heckmondwhite, who is laiking around.

You don’t want Cain to “laik around” with you.

Unless you like ending up sitting in the village stream in your best dress and then having to go to bed crying for two weeks.