Back The Taming of the Tights Save as PDF
Contents ( 33)
  1. Dedication
  2. Contents
  3. Filling my tights again
  4. Lullah’s Lululuuuve List
  5. Return of the lunatic twins
  6. Snogs ahoy!
  7. The Blubberhouses Large Ladies Who Pole Dance for Fun Society
  8. Boy Ambush
  9. You don’t want to do any more winking back
  10. The fire escape of desire
  11. I’ve eaten snail shells
  12. Snogging and Jazzles
  13. The magic of puppetry
  14. Return of the beast in trousers
  15. See you there, cheeky miss
  16. My inner snogger
  17. Naughty bumberskite
  18. The church bells of doom
  19. Should I put nail varnish on my hoofs?
  20. The Dark Black Crow of Heckmondwhite
  21. He’s got the right amount of lip
  22. Praise the knees!
  23. Fir-cone earrings and knitted onesies
  24. The Taming of the Tights
  25. The Corker-Holding with Winter Socks scene
  26. Georgia’s Ace Gang Snogging Scale
  27. Tallulah’s glossary
  28. Back Ads
  29. About the Author
  30. Books by Louise Rennison
  31. Credits
  32. Copyright
  33. About the Publisher

I said, “Hello, Charlie.”

I felt shy. I didn’t know what to say.

Charlie said, “This is nice.” Then he looked down. “You, me, and your knees.”

That did make me laugh. The Jones were still playing but I didn’t notice. I was so glad Charlie was here.

Charlie said, “Sorry I wasn’t here earlier. Did I miss your rap battle?”

I said, “Yeah, I got the golden slippers of applause.”

Charlie stroked his hand through my hair, then said, “Oh, hang on, there’s nothing sharp in here, is there?” And we both laughed.

As we did, the music crashed to a halt. Cain shouted at the crowd. “Settle down, I’ve got summat to show thee. I’ve trained some birds for the party. Because, as you know, I’m good with birds. . . .”

And he looked up from underneath his eyelashes at me and Charlie. I looked away.

Mr. Barraclough shouted, “Come on then, Cain . . . show us your bird trick!”

Cain made a clicking sound, and when I looked up Little Lullah swooped from the darkness down onto his head! Cain made another click and Little Ruby appeared and hopped onto his shoulder.

Ruby shouted, “Halloooo, owlets!”

Cain clicked again and Little Lullah hopped onto his other shoulder. The two owlets started nibbling his ears. Not pecking him. It looked like they were kissing his ears.

Cain said, “You see, ladies and gentlemen, birds like to do what I tell them.”

And he looked slyly across at me.

I looked up at Charlie but I couldn’t read his expression. He just had his arms folded, watching.

Cain clicked at the owlets again and they swooped onto Mr. Barraclough’s horns. People applauded. Mr. Barraclough said, “Bloody hell, I hope there are no unfortunate toilet accidents on my new horns.”

It was really wild being in the middle of the wood with the fire burning and the owlets preening and puffing themselves up.

Cain bent down to a bag he had placed at his feet and took something out. He said, “They say we know nowt about art in Heckmondwhite, that we’re savages. But tonight I give you Yorkshire’s version of The Taming of the Shrews.”

A few people clapped. He opened his hands. Vaisey said, “Aaah, look, he’s got two little shrews!”

Cain smiled and said, “Reight cute, aren’t they? Let’s let ’em free.” He dropped them on the floor and the shrews started scuttling off.

Cain clicked his tongue. Little Lullah and Ruby flashed down from Mr. Barraclough’s horns and onto the shrews, caught them in their talons, and swooped off into the forest.

Cain smiled his dark smile and bowed. Half of the crowd clapped.

Charlie said, “That bloke is an idiot.”

As he said that, there was a massive explosion from the bonfire. We looked around to see flaming bits of sausage hurtling through the air. Charlie said, “Oh God, it’s the sausage man!” And dashed off towards the bonfire. Everyone, including the Tree Sisters, went to see what was happening.