Oh dear God, every fool is at it.

On Thursday. Oh, only Thursday, Vaisey came tumbling out of Dother Hall when I arrived.

“Lullah, guess what? The Jones are going to be in the Big Night Out Taming of the Shrew thing!!! Jack said that even Cain was keen. They’re using the church hall for rehearsals. They’re working on a new song for it.”

Cain. I’m not thinking about Cain.

Ever again.

He’s a pain.

Hang on, I’m making a mental rap about him. No! Stop.

And anyway, I’ve much better things to do. I’m preparing myself for my date with Charlie. I’ve never had an actual date with a real boy before. Floppy Ben doesn’t count.

And Charlie’s gorgeous. Everyone says he’s gorgeous. I think he’s gorgeous. I bet even Matilda thinks he’s gorgeous.

That’s cos he’s gorgeous.

As I left to walk home, Flossie came and linked up with me. She was wearing loads of makeup. I said, “What are you doing?”

She smiled at me. Bit scary.

“Do you know, Lulles, I think I’ll walk you into Heckmondwhite. I don’t want those big rough Bottomlys bothering you.”

I said, “Er, they bother me all the time. But it’s usually just staring these days.”

When we got to the village, Flossie wouldn’t let me go home. She made me walk around the church hall about a million times. After the fourth time I realized . . . she just wants to see Seth. But the band didn’t turn up and by six o’clock I was freezing. And also I didn’t want to be around if Cain turned up, so I said I was going home.

Then Flossie said, “Oh yeah, good idea but I couldn’t go home without seeing little Rubster. I really miss her and want to talk to her. A lot.”

So she dragged me round to The Blind Pig.

Flossie hugged Ruby and said, “Hello, Ruby, nice to see you. It’s been ages.” And then we all went up to Ruby’s room to “catch up” as Flossie said.

Ruby started telling us about Matilda’s backing dancing and Joey, the boy she used to snog. But then Ruby noticed that Flossie was looking out of the window, saying, “Ah-huh” to anything she said.

In the end, Ruby said, “Is it true that you only have one corker?”

When Flossie did her “ah-huh,” Ruby went over and looked her in the face and said, “They’re not rehearsing tonight.”

Flossie immediately got up and said, “S’laters.”

At last it’s Saturday. Date day!!

Rubes insisted on spending all morning helping me get ready. I don’t know who is more excited and nervous: me, Ruby, or Matilda. Ruby was going through my things saying, “You want to be snug, but not look like a long sock.” Yes, that’s true.

I made her go home at two o’clock because I didn’t want her lurking around when Charlie came. She was not pleased.

“I’m not a kid, you know.”

I said, “You are actually.”