As she stomped out in her cagoule, she said, “Well, I’ll make a moss cake later to celebrate your art. What larks!”

After I heard the front door slam, I slipped downstairs for a cup of tea and looked through the kitchen window. There were about thirty people all dressed in cagoules in the middle of the green. Is everyone out foraging, I wonder? The woods will be packed. Also, it’s all very well collecting fungi and moss, but isn’t that what the badgery woodland folk eat? So if we take all their stuff what’s left for them? They can’t just go and do a big shop, can they?

Anyway, I’m not thinking about it anymore. I’m concentrating on my showbiz career. And if I never see Cain again, it will be too soon.

Urrrrgh.

Back in my room. I’m working on an idea for the Big Night Out that will knock the socks off Dr. Lightowler and her ideas of me being interested in the “horse genre.”

She doesn’t think I have any talent. She thinks that I’m silly, does she?

Well, we’ll see about that.

She’s going to see a serious side to me.

I can don the golden slippers of applause.

My feet can bleed.

Soooooo I will work on my Taming of the Shrew rap. I’d been making notes and ideas in my Darkly Demanding Damson Diary for about an hour when Ruby and Matilda popped across. They scampered up to see me and Matilda immediately fell asleep on my squirrel bed and started snoring. I wonder what she dreams about. Hoofys probably. Lots of hoofys.

I didn’t tell Rubes about the Cain incident. I don’t really know how to explain it. He confuses me so much. On one hand I hate him and on the other hand I kissed him and on the other hand, oh, I don’t know!!! How can I know when I’ve got three hands?!!!

I did tell her about how mean Dr. Lightowler is to me. Ruby said, “I could set Matilda on her for you, if you like.”

We both looked at Matilda who suddenly sat up and fell off the bed.

I said, “Hmmmmm.”

Ruby said, “Have you seen any of the boys? I like Charlie. I think he’s well fit. I bet he’s reight good at snogging. He’s got the reight amount of lip.”

How does she know that? What is the right amount of lip?

She lugged Matilda back into bed and was still going on about Charlie. “What’s more, is that even after seeing you as a horsey he still likes you.”

Yes, that’s true. A girl wearing false horse legs is a test, I think.

Ruby was still thinking. “Does he fancy you? Or just like you as a pal?”

Ah . . . that was the question.

I said, “I don’t, well, I don’t know. He’s got this tiny girlfriend so . . . well. And also I haven’t seen him in ages. I wouldn’t know what to do if I did.”