I pulled my T-shirt down around my undies and marched in place. It was freezing cold outside and the fucking door was locked. I’d jiggled the doorknob, but it was stiff, not budging. I tiptoed to the side of the cabin, half afraid there’d be a wolf standing there, or a bear. Every shadow looked like a monster, and I had to get inside. I peeked in the frosty window on the side by our bed. The woodburning stove had gone out, and there were only a few glowing embers. I knocked on the window, but not hard. I didn’t want to wake Nell, because that would piss off Digger. Maybe I could find an extra key.

Lights flashed in the distance, by the road. I tucked myself behind the side of the cabin and peeked out. Car headlights were making the bend, and then they were gone.

I walked quickly back to the front door. “Digger,” I called, and knocked on the door, harder. “Digger!”

Finally, the door opened. “What the hell,” said Digger, rubbing his eyes.

I ran inside and he closed the door. “I had to pee.” I snuggled myself into Digger’s chest.

Instinctively, he put his arms around me. “You must have locked it on your way out.”

“My legs are freezing. Can you get me some sweatpants or something?” I crawled into bed, shivering.

“What am I, your maid?” Digger hunted around in the piles and tossed me my sweatpants, and I put them on.

“Can you get me another blanket?”

“Jesus Christ,” he said, and threw me a wool blanket from the sofa.

“Thanks, and try to be quieter,” I said. Luckily, he hadn’t woken the baby. Digger started getting dressed, and I worried he might be leaving us. “Where are you going?”

“To take a motherfucking piss, is that all right with you?” He stormed out the door. When it slammed, the cabin shook, and this time Nell woke. I picked her up and brought her into bed with me.

When Digger came back a few minutes later, the door was still locked. He knocked and called, “Cally!”

I rose as quickly as I could and shuffled to the door to unlock it. He stomped in with firewood in his arms and went to work at the woodburning stove.

“Oh, good,” I said, and I put Nell up to my shoulder. She was fussing, so I changed her diaper. I’d been putting the dirty ones in the empty car seat box, our temporary trash can. I took the baby to the rocker and sat down gently. My underpants felt wet between my legs. I reached down and touched the wetness. I’d been noticing occasional bleeding that didn’t seem to have any pattern or cause. The nurses had given me some paperwork with information about it, so I knew it was something to pay attention to.