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Back The Surrogate Save as PDF
Chapters (65)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. Part One
  5. One
  6. Two
  7. Three
  8. Four
  9. Five
  10. Six
  11. Seven
  12. Eight
  13. Nine
  14. Ten
  15. Eleven
  16. Twelve
  17. Thirteen
  18. Fourteen
  19. Fifteen
  20. Sixteen
  21. Seventeen
  22. Eighteen
  23. Nineteen
  24. Twenty
  25. Twenty-One
  26. Twenty-Two
  27. Twenty-Three
  28. Twenty-Four
  29. Twenty-Five
  30. Twenty-Six
  31. Twenty-Seven
  32. Twenty-Eight
  33. Twenty-Nine
  34. Thirty
  35. Thirty-One
  36. Thirty-Two
  37. Thirty-Three
  38. Part Two
  39. Thirty-Four
  40. Thirty-Five
  41. Thirty-Six
  42. Thirty-Seven
  43. Thirty-Eight
  44. Thirty-Nine
  45. Forty
  46. Forty-One
  47. Forty-Two
  48. Forty-Three
  49. Forty-Four
  50. Forty-Five
  51. Forty-Six
  52. Forty-Seven
  53. Forty-Eight
  54. Forty-Nine
  55. Fifty
  56. Fifty-One
  57. Part Three
  58. Fifty-Two
  59. Fifty-Three
  60. Fifty-Four
  61. Fifty-Five
  62. Fifty-Six
  63. Acknowledgments
  64. About the Author
  65. About the Publisher

Sarah seemed happy but exhausted. She complained about everything: It’s so hard, so much work. She whined about all the feedings, the bathing, the diapers. She talked about every baby noise, every rash. Was he getting enough to eat? She showed me how she clipped his paper-thin fingernails and explained the belly-button thing. She was careful about keeping everything clean. And was the stool the right color? I wondered how I would have coped with all that stress. I hoped Ruth didn’t worry too much. I didn’t think all that worrying was good for Lucas or Nell or any baby, but what did I know.

Sam and I talked almost every night. I was trying to convince him to move to Minneapolis, but he thought I should move to Superior. I said I didn’t think there were enough job opportunities up there for me. And it had bad memories. I thought he’d really like Minneapolis. He could be a bartender down here, and also an EMT. He said he was thinking about it. Meanwhile, we’d see each other in person at least once a month. I kept in touch with Vera, too. She and Stan visited me when they visited their other relatives in the city.

One day, the doorbell rang and I thought it might be Vera, coming to surprise me. And I was surprised, but it wasn’t Vera.

It was Ruth.

She was holding Nell.

Fifty-Four

Ruth

MARCH 2003

On that day, I packed up the essentials in a large tote bag: diapers and wipes, formula, bottles, several changes of clothes, a few books and toys, a teething ring for later, and the medical kit. My heart was pounding as I loaded all her stuff into the car, and I shook as I carried her out the door. Hal had gone to work, and Elizabeth had just woken from her morning nap. I buckled her into the car seat and glanced around the neighborhood. Someone should be watching this. My neighbors across the street who shoveled their driveway meticulously. They must have seen the pink sign and pink balloon in our yard announcing our daughter’s arrival, and surely they’d noticed that it took us two months to actually bring her home. Maybe they’d guessed it was surrogacy or adoption, and maybe they judged me for it. Had they seen us, our lamps on, in the middle of the night and in the early morning, pacing and bouncing and failing to soothe her? And could they have known how hard this was? In that moment, I didn’t care what they thought. I was doing what my instincts told me. For Elizabeth.