The shower was heaven. I hadn’t been clean in days. The warm water on my head, the feel of clean hair, the smell of shampoo, it was like a new start. Afterward, I crawled into bed with wet hair and let myself drift off. I dreamed of sleeping. I dreamed of holding Nell, finding her there beside me, in a wide white bed. I touched her face, and she smiled her first smile. I put my finger under her matchstick fingers and thumb, and she squeezed. I watched her rosy lips open wide in a miniature yawn. I inhaled her flowery, soapy scent. But when I rolled over, she was gone, and I was alone in the bed, which had grown to fill the room. I tried to get up but couldn’t walk on the mushy surface. I kept falling down, and with each step I took, my foot sank deeper and deeper until I disappeared into the mattress.

The next morning, I woke up to voices and laughter. It was light outside, so I must have slept more than twelve hours. Amanda was bellowing in the kitchen; I could hear her all the way upstairs. I stood up slowly, just in case. My clothes were in a pile on the dresser. Had Vera washed and neatly folded them? How embarrassing! It felt amazing to slip my legs into clean pants, clean socks. I quickly dressed and tiptoed down to see what was going on.

I didn’t want to stay. I needed to get to the Blue Anchor, but I also didn’t want to seem ungrateful. From the bottom of the stairs, I saw the living room in the light of day. A grandfather clock, a cabinet of china figurines and fancy glasses. A painting of a loon. A crocheted blanket draped over the armchair. Stacks of newspapers and a basket of yarn.

Amanda peeked around the corner and saw me. “You’re alive,” she said, smiling.

“Yeah, I was really tired,” I said.

“Your hair looks good,” said Amanda. “I wish mine was thick and wavy like that.”

“I always wanted it straight, like yours,” I said, smoothing my hair.

“I washed your things,” said Vera as she came around the corner with a dish towel. “I hope that’s all right.”

“You didn’t have to, but thank you,” I said. Vera smiled.

“I’m going to work,” said Amanda. “I hope you find your people.”

“Bye, dear,” said Vera from the kitchen.

“I should get going, too,” I said.

“Not so fast,” said Vera. “The Blue Anchor doesn’t open until eleven, so you’ve got time.”

“Oh,” I said, looking down. She could have told me that last night.

“And just how did you think you were gonna get there? I’m your driver today,” she said, looking at her tiny gold wristwatch. “How about some oatmeal, or would you prefer scrambled eggs?”

“You don’t have to cook for me.”