He touches me softly, gently. It starts out feeling like that longing I had with Matty that always ended up in a bunch of nothing, but Adam touching me feels so much bigger than what it is and gives way to this flood of warmth, like a dam breaking, that makes me gasp and grab hold of the pillow. I run my hand down his belly. His body jerks when I get close. He breathes through his nose and it tickles my cheek. He’s small and soft under the blankets. He finds my hand with his and pulls it away. We kiss more before he gets up and goes into the bathroom for a while. I’m not sure what’s happened or happening. Is he getting a condom? Is he going to the bathroom? He runs the faucet the whole time. When he comes back he gets in bed behind me and wraps me in his arms. “You’re so warm,” he says in a sleepy voice. Brushes my hair out of my face with his sweaty palm. “Sleep tight.”

— Chapter 17 —

I wake up before Adam does. His arm is draped over my side, sticking to my skin, and he’s breathing stale beer breath into my neck. The sun streams through the windows. We’ve kicked the blankets off and I’m only in my underwear. I want to cover myself, but I don’t want to wake him. His fingers are pressed against my belly and I wonder if they’ll leave pink prints behind. His hand is smooth and his fingernails are clean.

I’ve never spent the night with anyone before. Matty had a curfew. I’m worried Adam might be upset to see me when he wakes up, and it will be like when I thought he wanted to kiss me and he didn’t, but so much worse. Or maybe he’ll be mad that we didn’t have sex. I can’t just grab my boots and run down the stairs if I want to leave. My clothes are lost somewhere in the tangled sheets.

Slowly, carefully, I twist around under the weight of Adam’s arm. His hat is on the pillow next to him. His hair isn’t sparse like I expected. It’s thick and wiry and sticks up in every direction. I try to reach across him to pull the blanket over us to cover myself, but he stirs and opens his eyes. I hold my breath. He smiles when he sees me, a clear, happy smile that stops the scramble in my head.

“Mmmm.” He stiffens his body into a stretch. He rubs his hand up and down my side, kisses my cheek and pulls me close to him. My bare chest against his, our legs warm and sweaty.