The room just smells like clean and I don’t even feel like I have to check the lock.

“I can’t believe you don’t like live off of room service,” Justin says, jamming a stack of steak fries in his mouth. “That’s what I would do.”

“I don’t usually stay in places that have room service. Plus,” I say, trying to make it all sound better than it is, “most of the places where I play feed me.”

“Where do you live when you’re not on the road?” He puts his pickle slices on my plate. He always remembers things about me that I’ve forgotten he could know.

“Nowhere,” I say, trying not to let the word settle into my brain.

“So the traveling never stops?” He looks at me, mouth open, horrified. There are still pieces of french fry stuck to his tongue.

“Not really,” I say, forcing a smile. It’s hard to see him process how little I have. “I mean, there are a couple of places—friends let me stay for a week or two to catch my breath sometimes.”

“What about your parents? Do you ever go home?”

“That’s not… that’s not really an option for me.”

He hugs me close. “Add me to the list. You can always catch your breath at my place.”

I love the feel of his arms through his soft, clean shirt. He kisses me hard. I can feel the ridges his teeth make through his lips. And then it evolves and he’s kissing me everywhere like he’s trying to memorize me. We have lazy sex with the TV and all the lights on.

When it’s over, that itch I get to escape is so diluted I can barely feel it. I rest my head on his chest. He’s watching Billy Madison. I like hearing him laugh from the inside. I feel myself fall away without trying to stop it.

I wake up startled. I’m not sure what sets it off. A dream that disappears when my eyes open, or my body rejecting sleep. My cheek is damp against his chest.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” he says, and I wonder if his mom says that to him. “You were zonked. And you drooled.”

“Sorry,” I say, wiping the puddle from his chest, feeling my cheeks burn.

Justin laughs. “Don’t be sorry.” He smooths my hair and lets me rest on him again, rubbing my back absentmindedly. The movie has switched to something with Jim Carrey that I haven’t seen, but I can’t keep my eyes open long enough to watch any of it. It’s the best sleep I’ve had in years.

— Chapter 38 —