“Love you,” I said, and hung up the phone before she could say anything back.

I walked out to the beach and thought about staying. Jumping in the ocean and floating on my back, watching my belly bob in the waves, forgetting I ever even had a father. But instead I got in my car.

— Chapter 61 —

I usually like the drive north from Florida. I call ahead, book gigs at places I’ve played before, take three or four weeks to wind my way up the coast. I like to drive the scenic roads and watch the palm trees disappear into hills and fall colors. I visit all the pockets of people I know and find some new pockets to replace the ones that disappear. If my friend Slim has work for me, I head to Nashville and record backup tracks for a few days. Otherwise I’ll drive straight to Savannah and spend a couple nights singing with the house band at a bar on Bay Street. Camp a few nights on Cape May, then make my way to Red Bank to play at The Downtown and stay with Cole while I book my next leg of gigs. It’s the way I pass time. A system that works for me. It’s not a bad life. I get to be nothing but wonderful to people I love and move on before it goes stale. But on this trip there’s no time for gigs or visits or seeing old friends or following the coast.

My plan was to stay south this year. All summer, when I wasn’t playing gigs, I waited tables for Ollie. Took every shift my swollen feet would allow. I found a house on Bimini Bay with a roof partly covered with tarps, like the money for construction ran out. Plumbing still worked just fine and no one ever came around. Crashing there and living on shift meals let me save up money to rent a real apartment for a few months after the baby comes. Maria, one of the other waitresses at Ollie’s, has a toddler and said maybe we could trade off babysitting and shifts. I tamped down my panic about settling down with the idea that when Max is a little older, we’ll get to hit the road again. I want his world to be big, not just an island. I want him to know the ocean, but I want him to see seasons and meet all the people in my pockets too.