Robert tends bar. The liquor shelf lights change from blue to purple and back to blue, chiseling his face into sharp lines as he moves from one side of the bar to the other. A woman with big boobs corralled in a leather vest leans over as she orders, showing off her wares. He gives her enough attention to keep her buying drinks and leaving wadded bills on the bar.

He brings me a beer. I tuck it under my stool and take it with me to the bathroom on the break. I don’t want to be rude, but after Ivan and his breath in my face, the smell of alcohol makes me sick. I pour my beer down the sink and leave the empty on the end of the bar.

When everyone’s left and Robert is slopping out the spill mats, I slip behind the bar to help him.

“Whatcha doing, cowgirl?” Robert kicks my boots lightly with his toe.

“Helping.”

It’s weird to be with him out in the world. We’ve spent so many nights at Ethan’s together. He’s different here. He has his hair down, tucked behind his ears. He’s beautiful.

“Thank you,” he says. “April.” And the way he says my name is like he also knows something is different.

“Robert,” I say back. I feel my face flush. I take the rag that’s hanging from his back pocket and spray club soda on it.

I wipe down the bar. He refills the napkin holders.

“Why aren’t you Rob?”

“I don’t know,” he says, honestly, like it’s just occurred to him that he could be Rob if he wanted to be.

“Well, think about it and get back to me,” I say, smiling. Just to say something. I’m not sure if it’s okay to feel the way I’m feeling. We’ve been through something together. I don’t know where that leaves us.

After I’m done wiping down the bar I hop up on it, swinging my legs over the edge while Robert finishes counting out the drawer. His eyebrows furrow, lips moving ever so slightly as he stacks bills on top of each other.

When he’s done, he pours himself a drink and climbs on the bar with me. “Thanks for helping,” he says. He leans in and kisses me, and it goes from being a friendly kind of kiss to a ravenous one, like every moment spent sitting together on Ethan’s staircase or brushing past each other in the kitchen has added up to this.

Some drunks bang on the window. They can see us because the neon beer signs are still lit up. “Hold on,” Robert says. He runs around pulling the chains on the signs to turn them off so no one else will know what we’re about to do. He climbs back on the bar.

— Chapter 49 —