‘I’m sure you worked that out yourself.’

She nodded.

‘And you have probably made some guesses about how you came to be.’

‘Well you were held hostage.’

Diana nodded. She didn’t want to talk about it, but Lottie had a right to know.

‘Your father’s name was Arash, he was my guard.’

‘He took advan . . .’ Lottie’s voice faded away.

‘No, not at all. He was my guardian angel.’ Diana’s throat tightened. Even now after so many years, different emotions warred within her. Fear, hatred but mostly it was love. A longing and loss both so deep that to look back would make looking forward impossible.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I suppose in a way through our enforced proximity, eventually we fell in love, deeply in love, which in turn lead to marriage.’

‘What? How?’ Lottie stood then sat again. ‘Married?’

‘Not one that would be recognised outside of Afghanistan.’

‘You loved him?’

She nodded. That didn’t say enough. The word didn’t capture the emotion, the need. ‘We made plans for me to stay.’

Lottie’s eyes widened, her shock evident.

‘But things changed, and it wasn’t safe. There was money offered for me to be killed.’

Lottie gasped.

‘Arash risked everything to get me to safety.’ Diana’s hand went to her throat.

‘Oh God . . .’ Lottie walked over and sat beside her. ‘Did he know about me?’

She shook her head. ‘I think he did, but I didn’t.’

Lottie frowned.

‘I lost track of time and food was in short supply.’ Diana closed her eyes and she could still see the hills. The hills that acted as a natural prison and the hills they crossed risking everything. ‘I didn’t know until I was examined by a doctor. But Arash was more attuned to life.’

‘Oh Mum.’

Her eyes were his and her kindness was his. ‘What happened to him?’

‘He was killed saving me.’ His eyes looked at Diana now. With her heart wide open, Diana could see him.

‘I’m so sorry.’ Lottie picked up her hands.

‘No, I’m the one who is sorry. You are so like him.’

‘And you couldn’t bear it.’

Diana nodded for there were no words that could express the pain in her heart. ‘Forgive me.’

‘I love you, Mum. I always have.’

‘I know and that’s been the hardest part.’ Diana never should have pushed her away. She would have had him with her the whole time. It was the last thing he would have wanted. Diana pulled her daughter into her arms, allowing herself to love her.

84. Lottie

84

Lottie

5 August 2018, 3.30 p.m