‘He was Joan’s handler, and Allan’s, but Allan had betrayed him and that’s why I was brought in.’

‘How did Tom take it?’

‘Not well. Although he was never told the truth, he was smart enough to work it out.’ He patted her hand. ‘He left the service, returned to academia, did a PhD, became a teacher then a headmaster. Joan and I saw him now and then once we moved back here.’

‘Oh.’

He cleared his throat. ‘Don’t think less of her.’

‘I don’t, not at all.’ She swallowed. ‘If anything . . . I’m in awe. I couldn’t have made that decision.’

‘Oh, you’d be surprised. We’re all stronger than we think.’

They sat silently, and tears rolled down Gramps cheeks. She kissed him. ‘Thank you for loving her.’

He smiled. ‘I had no choice. She stole my heart from the moment I saw her.’

76. Joan

76

Joan

5 August 1962, 7.45 a.m.

Once Diana is out of sight, I turn around and walk back to Tom.

‘You’re in shock.’ Tom moves and blocks my view, so I must look at him and not Allan. ‘You need to go to the house.’

I shake my head, but he is right. I didn’t think I would be in shock. After all, I knew what we would find on the beach but nonetheless, I am. I close my eyes for a moment and I hear huffing and puffing.

‘Oh, dear God.’ Mrs Hoskine stood, staring. ‘Pat?’

‘Carol, best not to look. I’ll be up to the house shortly.’ Pat put a hand on her arm.

‘It’s a terrible business.’ Mrs Hoskine shakes her head.

‘Terrible.’ Pat looks at me. ‘Mrs Trewin, this is no place for you.’ He turns back to Jacob.

I look from his serious face to the watchtower. It is a long way up. The sky is bright blue. No clouds. The morning sun is golden and softens the colours of the rocks. On any other day I would be overwhelmed by the beauty, but today the beauty is almost offensive. I glance down at Allan’s legs, which are all I can see.

‘You need to go up to the house,’ says Tom. He turns to Mrs Hoskine. ‘If you would be so kind as to take Mrs Trewin. She is in shock.’

‘Of course.’ She nods.

‘I’ll stay here.’ Tom places a hand on my cheek and pushes a tear away with his thumb before she directs me through the crowd which has been gathering. I note a few of our guests on the beach as people part to let us through. George stands at the back of the crowd. He doesn’t look at me, which makes me feel worse somehow. How did I not realize how awful this would be? If I had, would I have done anything different?