Diana took a few steps back towards the bed, wanting to believe these words but she stopped. Her notebook still lay there, reminding her of her goal of more information about her father. ‘Why did you push me away?’

‘I didn’t mean to but . . .’ She closed her eyes. ‘I did.’

Diana swallowed. The truth, finally.

‘You would have done the same.’

‘No.’ Diana moved forward but then stopped. She was right, Diana had.

She looked at the body on the bed. She didn’t look like her mother but a corpse.

‘I love you and I’m so sorry.’ She sucked in air. ‘If I could change what I have done . . .’ Her eyes closed.

‘What? What have you done?’

‘Forgive me.’

Diana went to her and took her hand. What was she forgiving? Her mother’s fingers tried to hold hers and Lottie’s voice rose up from the garden. Like her own mother, Diana had failed in so many ways. She paused then said, ‘Thank you for loving Lottie.’

Her mother’s eyes gleamed. ‘Yes. Forgive me.’

Diana nodded and her mother’s fingers clung for a second then fell away, hitting the notebook.

Diana still had no answers, but something had moved within her.

39. Lottie

39

Lottie

4 August 2018, 12.00 p.m.

Next year’s blooms were already forming on the camellia bushes. Some would be out before Christmas. Gran had always used the red and white ones in her Christmas decorating. Lottie associated the flowers with Alex. When he’d handed her a bloom that June, Gramps had whispered in her ear that a pink one represented heartfelt longing. Looking at one of the largest buds, she could see red appearing. Gramps had also told her that every year he cut the first red ones to appear and presented them to Gran, for they told her of his love, passion and desire. Lottie had imagined coming back to Boskenna for Christmas after her first term at Ruskin to find that Alex would do as Gramps had. Such lovely silly dreams. Flowers didn’t hold messages except for the bugs and the birds. However, she loved that unlike roses which dropped petals, the camellia falls as a whole flower. Keeping its heart in one piece even until the end.

Her phone pinged with a text. It was from the private investigator.

Meeting with Paul’s ex later. Will update you after.

Jamie

She rolled her eyes. It wouldn’t help. Nothing would make the divorce happen sooner, return her money or her designs. On Monday she needed to chase the woman at the V&A to withdraw from the exhibition. Everything she had worked so hard for was lost because she had believed he loved her. How needy had she been. Turning back down the garden, she winced every so often. Damn weever fish and damn her own stupidity.