My aunt tells me she is sad to see me go just a year after my return, and especially so quickly. I tell her I want to make good time for London and if she feels well enough then she and Marian shall journey down to join me in a few weeks before I travel farther. I rather like the idea of them joining me in London and even Marian seems to think it is a good idea. I suggest she could even then cross the Channel with me to re-visit France.

I make Marian swear to write to me should Aunt’s health fail and I must return in haste. I would rather be here to say farewell, even if it is a false call, than to miss her.

Miss Walker

She made the decision for me. After a year of waiting, she said it was no longer fair. If she’d been a male suitor, she would not have been made to wait half so long for a reply. She reminds me she is twelve years my senior and that all the travels she aims to undertake cannot wait. I had thought that she was settled now at Shibden with all her talk of plans for it, but I suppose they were to occupy her mind while she waited for my decision, and now that she has made it, all that is cast aside and off she goes.

I cannot stay here without seeing her each day, without the Moss House to retreat to, without being in her arms. It is all my fault. I have lost her. Even if I recant and declare a ‘yes’, she will not accept it now. I have missed my opportunity.

I cannot be alone here so I write to my sister to ask if I can join her as soon as they can send the carriage. I want to see what her life has become, see her children, my nieces and nephew. I shall throw myself into their lives and find joy in their company. I shall stay indefinitely with them as a family. No more lonely old Crow Nest for me. I shall away from here. If I cannot be with Miss Lister and her family, then I shall find my own family again.

I want to see Marian and ask her thoughts and keep up our friendship, but Miss Lister will be there. I send her a note inviting her to visit me and hope sincerely that she comes.

Miss Lister

One can never leave as quickly as one wants. I had to order horses and let Isabella and Mariana know to expect me and await their replies to confirm they would be home. I had to book lodgings on the way down and find a room to rent in London. I then had to write ahead to friends there, giving them the address to reply to.