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Chapters (22)
  1. The Moss House
  2. Imprint
  3. Chapter One
  4. Chapter Two
  5. Chapter Three
  6. Chapter Four
  7. Chapter Five
  8. Chapter Six
  9. Chapter Seven
  10. Chapter Eight
  11. Chapter Nine
  12. Chapter Ten
  13. Chapter Eleven
  14. Chapter Twelve
  15. Chapter Thirteen
  16. Chapter Fourteen
  17. Chapter Fifteen
  18. Chapter Sixteen
  19. Chapter Seventeen
  20. Chapter Eighteen
  21. Chapter Nineteen
  22. Epilogue

Since the sending of the letter, and thankfully no more arriving, Miss Walker slowly seems more emboldened and I tell her I will give her until summer, not April, when her strength will be back, for a decision on our commitment. I will not travel with her until I know for sure how she feels. We seal our agreement with a kiss; summer is the final time for her decision.

I say all this to her through smiles, but inside I am at a loss. This girl unhinges me when I see her. Come summer, I may have a lucky escape if she chooses ‘no’ and we will be done once and for all. I could set off into the world again. Perhaps I should have left the deadline at April after all and not let this drag on for too long.

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

Spring, 1833: Another confession and another bout of melancholy

Miss Lister

It is my birthday night, the third of April. I am now forty-two years old. I never stood so alone. I am used and reconciled to my loneliness.

We had intimate relations in the Moss House again today. She had three long orgasms. We seem to be back on track these last few weeks and she says she cannot bear to be without me, yet she still harks on sometimes about it being wrong. However, she does not resist my caresses. This last week, despite it being my birthday, she is miserable again, as usual. The little thing has everything to be wished for but the power of enjoying it.

Miss Walker

I would be so lonely without her now. Miss Lister tells me she shall pass away like a meteor and leave no trace behind.

Miss Lister

I keep telling myself I do not care what she decides come summer, but when I lie with her in my arms, tears roll down my cheeks. I obviously care more for her than I imagined. Am I under her spell? To have this snatched away, what would I do next?

Miss Walker

I cannot give her a decision yet; she gave me until summer and I will not answer sooner, but I do swear to her that I will never marry.

Miss Lister

It wasn’t the right moment to bring it up; after all, she was declaring that she would never marry, which could have just meant to a man but may have meant to either sex, but I quite like the idea of a wedding ceremony. I’ll wait until her decision and if it’s a yes, then damn it, we’ll be married too.

Miss Walker