As I write up my diary for the day from the notes in my pocketbook after another visit from Miss Walker, I ponder why they all seem surprised at my desire to learn. How do they find contentment here? If only I could quieten my mind sometimes. Allow myself to just sit, as others do. Instead it needs feeding with information; it is never satisfied. Each new topic or theory leads to another and a lifetime is not long enough to read even the smallest amount of what has been written. The task seems unmanageable, so I try to focus on particular themes; mathematics, physiology, histories, languages. Then I will get taken up with music or landscape gardening or bird watching or politics. How easily I become obsessed! I was lucky that Father saw it in me when I was young and sent me to school. I was the brightest student, but it quickly became dull and I asked too many questions that the teachers could not answer. I grew restless and troublesome. Even now, I continue to read and better myself with knowledge but often I ask, to what end? Whilst I may be more privileged than most women of our generation, we are all still barred from franchise, the law, medicine and religion: all the foundations of our nation.

My assertions and emotions, whilst natural to any man, in female form are deemed improper. Displaying our intelligence is threatening, our free spirit is a lost soul, our physicality is unladylike, our singleness is unholy, our loneliness and anxiety manifest as madness, and our frustrations and our anger mark us out as women to be locked away; poor victims to the female malady.

Paris is far more free-thinking and forward-looking. My most recent sojourn there lasted for nearly two years, my aunt visiting with me for some of the time. It was always a glorious time of new friends and experiences, good food and parties, conversations that enthralled me and an opportunity not afforded to me in England: I wrote to ask for permission to attend lectures on science and to my own surprise was granted permission to attend, at least to sit at the very back where no one would see me. Not officially, but I was not forbidden.

Anatomy was my favourite subject. The body fascinates me; each part a miracle but so fragile and susceptible to damage and disease. Perfect yet imperfect, and here were human beings trying to fix bodies that had broken, make them work again, cure them, improve them, edging in on God’s work. I was fascinated. I tell Miss Walker and Marian of the bodies I have seen and they are repulsed but enthralled.