Her hands reached for my breasts which had never been truly touched before, not by determined hands like these. She pushed me down and kissed my naked breasts, my sides, my stomach, and squeezed my thighs. I felt so alive and yet afraid that it would end. I lay still, allowing her to touch me all over with her hands, her lips, her tongue, my body growing hot and out of control as she moved down the bed and before I could move or protest she leaned in and her mouth found my queer and she kissed it and licked it gently and then began to lick harder and seemed to suck on me, focusing all my pleasure into that one spot, which I had discovered myself before, but had never known could be so alive. As I lay there at this woman’s mercy, learning what pleasures my body could give me, and what I could do to elicit this pleasure from others, I wondered what else there could be in the world as satisfying as giving oneself to another… but then I could think no more as she worked me to a state that people never speak of: consumed by pleasure and so alive and then in a wave of pleasure emanating out to my toes and fingertips, I knew that this was what I wanted. Not with an unfamiliar woman paid for by Father, but from a woman who loved me, whom I would love and care for and give pleasure to. I knew I wanted to make women’s bodies sing. I committed to learning to read the music and play the notes.

In the way that I am, after all that pleasure, I sat back in bed with my new tutor and got out my pocketbook and pen. I asked questions and she showed me with her hands how to elicit pleasure with fingers and circles, and pinches and tickles and squeezes and how women’s bodies, unlike men’s she told me, can be aroused from anywhere. Even just kissing an earlobe can drive a woman to pleasure. I made notes, which somewhat surprised her, and tried a few things on her. I liked to draw pleasure and to be on top looking down, clutching her wrists in my hands as I pressed my mouth to her breasts and neck and down to her queer. A discovery itself of a fascinating space, which looks unwelcoming but is easily opened and explored and swells with passion which you can see rising in a flush across her chest and neck and face as she loses herself to you. Women’s bodies have fascinated me ever since; so different from each other, each one a new discovery.

I think I was her best pupil.