Back The Last Chairlift
Chapters (63)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. ACT I EARLY SIGNS
  6. 1. AN UNMADE MOVIE
  7. 2. FIRST LOVE
  8. 3. A FIRST-NAME BASIS
  9. 4. DETERMINED NOT TO LEARN
  10. 5. BUT WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN ASPEN?
  11. 6. LITTLE RAY
  12. 7. ALL ABOUT SEX
  13. 8. HAVE YOU SEEN THEM?
  14. 9. MOVIES, GIRLFRIENDS, FOREIGNNESS, OUTLIERS
  15. 10. NOT TARZAN
  16. 11. SMALLNESS AS A BURDEN
  17. 12. INTENDED FOR LITTLE RAY AND ME
  18. 13. THE SNOWSHOER KISS
  19. 14. A JUDGMENT CALL
  20. 15. SEEING THINGS
  21. 16. WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT
  22. 17. SON OF THE BRIDE
  23. 18. WHAT THE STONE SPARROWS SAW
  24. ACT II THE HONEYMOON ON THE CLIFF
  25. 19. “I SAW ME IN YOUR EYES”
  26. 20. A LITTLE BEHIND GIRLS HER AGE, SOCIALLY; DEFINITELY AHEAD OF; DEFINITELY BEHIND
  27. 21. IN CONTROL
  28. 22. MY SECOND-MOST UNMARRIAGEABLE GIRLFRIEND
  29. 23. “ALMOST PERFECT” OR “NO STRINGS ATTACHED”
  30. 24. MELANCHOLIC ENOUGH
  31. 25. THE “POLICE REPORT”
  32. 26. THE GETAWAY DRIVER
  33. 27. SEXUAL POLITICS, A FIRE, JEALOUSY
  34. 28. STILL GROWING
  35. 29. THE GOOD SHEPHERD
  36. ACT III RULES FOR GHOSTS
  37. 30. THE WOMAN WITH THE BABY CARRIAGE
  38. 31. WHERE HAVE THE BANANAS GONE?
  39. 32. A TURN IN THE ROAD
  40. 33. JUST SMALL ENOUGH
  41. 34. OUR MARINE
  42. 35. AT THE WHALE SHIP
  43. 36. BOOK SIGNINGS
  44. 37. THINGS TO DO WITH A PENIS
  45. 38. PLAGUE SONG
  46. 39. WENGEN
  47. 40. THE NIGHT OF THE SANTAS
  48. 41. STARTING SOMETHING
  49. 42. A NORMAL LIFE
  50. 43. A BOHEMIAN LIFESTYLE
  51. 44. MEN WHO SHOULD BE CASTRATED
  52. 45. LOGE PEAK
  53. 46. “FOUND YOU!”
  54. 47. WRITTEN IN THE SNOW
  55. 48. FIVE YEARS, FOUR MOVIES
  56. 49. NOT A GHOST
  57. 50. EM AS ISHMAEL
  58. 51. “O CANADA”
  59. 52. THE LESBIANS’ CHILDREN
  60. 53. THE VOICE ON THE SUBWAY; THE SILENCE IN THE ROCK GARDEN
  61. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  62. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  63. ALSO BY JOHN IRVING

“There’s gonna be just one shot, if there’s any shooting, and I want to hear it,” the gun-toting woman says. “Tell the kids to shut up.”

The teacher taps her desk with a ruler, and the kindergartners stop chanting; only Tommy mumbles, “It’s a miracle,” before he can stop. “I think we should sing it, like a song,” the teacher tells the kids. “Like this,” she says, before she starts singing. It is Clara Swift’s scene; they still show the film clip.

We know from the astonished faces of the kindergartners that the kids have never heard their teacher sing before. In the audience, we aren’t expecting Clara Swift to sing beautifully; every time I see and hear this scene, the purity of her voice is a shock.

“You try singing ‘He can walk—it’s a miracle!’ beautifully. It’s impossible,” Em wrote me. (Naturally, it was impossible for me to imagine how Em would sound if she sang at all.)

In the boys’ room, the gunman is disconcerted by the chorus of children’s voices singing the miracle song back in the classroom. He is also perturbed by the toilet stall with the locked door. From a circumspect distance, he has peered under the stall door, but there’s nothing to see—no crutch tips, no small feet in sneakers. The gunman steps up to the closed door, giving it a hard slap. “I know you’re in there, crip—time’s up,” the gunman says. He tucks his gun under his belt and the waistband of his trousers.

As a writer, I’m distracted by what Henrietta would say about my language. The first time I saw The Kindergarten Man, it occurred to me that Paul Goode (as a writer) thinks the woman with the gun is right about Henrietta—there’s always a goody-goody giving you shit about the language that you use. Every writer knows this is true.

In the boys’ room, with its kindergartner-size urinals, the gunman looks huge; he also appears to be very fit. When he hooks his fingers over the top of the toilet-stall door, he does an effortless pull-up. This is such a snap for him, he looks like he could do twenty more. One quick pull-up and his head is above the stall door, where he gawks down. The kindergarten man has an easy shot, from point-blank range. The silencer does its job. There is an audible pop, but it doesn’t sound like a gunshot—more like a disappointing champagne cork, muffled in a towel. The gunman falls faceup on the floor. His dead, unseeing eyes are bigger than the bullet hole between them. The bullet hole has only begun to bleed when the kindergarten man comes out of the toilet stall, being careful not to step in the spreading pool of blood from the back of the dead gunman’s skull. “Time’s up,” Paul Goode tells him, quietly.