Oh, but I do. I do.

And maybe losing Sean is my penance.

Maybe it’s revenge. Karma. Some kind of payback for what happened fifteen years ago.

Chapter 26

26

‘We’re not talking about that night,’ Izzy said, forcing a smile, ‘we’re talking about you and Lucy.’

I used the napkin to wipe a tear from the corner of my eye.

‘Lucy’s . . . oh, I don’t know. She doesn’t talk to me like she used to.’

‘She’s growing up.’

‘Too fast.’

She took a drink from a bottle of water. ‘It’s more than that though, isn’t it?’

‘What makes you say that?’

The urge to confide in her was rising, pulling at me like a riptide.

But what if it’s Izzy? What if she’s the one?

She looked at me for a long moment, seeming to weigh up her next words. Finally she gave me a sad little smile. ‘It’s not my place to say anything, and please tell me to shut up and mind my own business if you want to, but I’m a bit worried about you.’

‘Me?’

‘Is something going on with Sean?’

My stomach dropped.

‘What?’

‘The thing that’s bothering you. Is it about him?’

‘Why do you say that?’

‘Seems like it’s a bit tense between the two of you. There’s kind of a weird atmosphere thing going on.’

Is she just trying to get inside my head? Probing to find out how much I know? Or does she really want to help?

I picked up the flask of coffee and poured myself half a cup. It was intensely strong but I was glad of the caffeine hit after two sleepless nights.

The urge to confide in Izzy was almost overwhelming, and before I knew it the words were pouring out of me. She had known Sean longer than me, longer than any of us.

‘Not sure if I ever told you this,’ I said. ‘But there was a woman, Zoe, I met at NCT classes when I was pregnant with Daniel. We stayed in touch after the kids were born and her husband was really lovely, charming, funny – he doted on them both. Absolutely no sign that anything was wrong, and then last year – boom – he left her for someone he’d met through work, totally out of the blue. She came home one day and he’d taken a car boot full of his stuff and just left her a note. That was it.’

‘Did he come back?’