He detached himself from my leg and followed me into the big bedroom. He sat in the armchair while I did a quick search of the wardrobe, bedside drawers and under the bed.

‘He didn’t say where he’d put them?’

Daniel shook his head.

The suitcases were in the walk-in wardrobe. I hauled Sean’s down, feeling that it was light and empty even as I did so. I laid it flat on the floor anyway.

Kneeling and unzipping the case, I flipped the top open. Empty. I was about to move on to our hand luggage when I remembered there were a couple of zip pockets in the top lining. The first was flat and empty but in the other – the smaller of the two – there was something small. Hardly noticeable.

‘Aha,’ I said.

‘Have you found them?’ Daniel said excitedly from behind me.

I put my hand into the little pocket, fingers brushing smooth plastic, flexible, yielding—

Condoms.

Chapter 44

44

There was a fluttery, weak feeling in my stomach, as if I was going to be sick.

Six condoms, loose, a brand I’d never seen before. I held them in the palm of one shaking hand, a small bundle of square plastic wrappers, trying to think of a reason why they were there, a legitimate reason, an explanation that made sense – instead of being one more nail in the coffin of our marriage.

But there was nothing. No explanation other than the obvious one – because I had been on the pill since our son was born.

Daniel came up behind me and I quickly shoved one of the condoms into my pocket, the rest back into the case before closing it again.

‘Have you got the goggles?’ he said.

‘False alarm,’ I said, heaving the suitcase back onto the shelf. ‘Let’s keep looking.’

Finally, I found them in Sean’s hand luggage, under a bundle of charger cables. Daniel put them on straightaway, tightening the strap and giving me a frog-eyed thumbs-up.

‘I knew you’d find them, Mummy.’

I walked him out onto the balcony so I could be sure he was going back to Sean. He started down the steps to the pool, then turned back to me.

‘Last one in the pool’s a doughnut!’ He gave me a grin. ‘Come on then, Mummy!’

I stayed where I was. ‘I’ll be down in a bit.’

‘Where are you going?’

‘Going? I’m not going anywhere.’

He pulled a face. ‘You’ll be the doughnut, then!’

He ran down the rest of the steps and leapt into the pool with a splash, narrowly missing his sister in the deep end. I lingered a moment longer, watching as he ducked below the surface and swam to the edge. Sean was there, and Russ. He would be safe.

Go.