Chapters (68)
- Cover
- Dedication
- 1853
- PART I
- ONE
- TWO
- THREE
- FOUR
- FIVE
- SIX
- SEVEN
- EIGHT
- NINE
- TEN
- ELEVEN
- TWELVE
- THIRTEEN
- FOURTEEN
- FIFTEEN
- SIXTEEN
- SEVENTEEN
- EIGHTEEN
- NINETEEN
- TWENTY
- TWENTY-ONE
- TWENTY-TWO
- TWENTY-THREE
- TWENTY-FOUR
- TWENTY-FIVE
- TWENTY-SIX
- TWENTY-SEVEN
- TWENTY-EIGHT
- TWENTY-NINE
- THIRTY
- THIRTY-ONE
- THIRTY-TWO
- THIRTY-THREE
- THIRTY-FOUR
- THIRTY-FIVE
- THIRTY-SIX
- 1854
- PART II
- THIRTY-SEVEN
- THIRTY-EIGHT
- THIRTY-NINE
- FORTY
- FORTY-ONE
- FORTY-TWO
- FORTY-THREE
- FORTY-FOUR
- FORTY-FIVE
- FORTY-SIX
- FORTY-SEVEN
- FORTY-EIGHT
- FORTY-NINE
- FIFTY
- FIFTY-ONE
- FIFTY-TWO
- FIFTY-THREE
- FIFTY-FOUR
- FIFTY-FIVE
- FIFTY-SIX
- FIFTY-SEVEN
- FIFTY-EIGHT
- FIFTY-NINE
- SIXTY
- ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
- ABOUT THE AUTHOR
HELENE’S HURT WAS A SPILLED GLASS, SOAKING through her, spreading so much farther than she’d realized. She hadn’t scrubbed it out right away, and now it had set—a deep red stain on her soul. Deep and dark as the forest stretching outside the windows of the carriage as they jostled uncomfortably toward Vienna. Toward Sisi’s future.
The future that should have been Helene’s.
She’d thought she’d be calmer by the time they left Bavaria for the wedding, but instead her resentment had kept growing, spreading, setting. Until all she could see was the stain of it, all she could feel was the fury. She’d been told her whole life that if she behaved, good things would come to her. Now that it turned out to be a lie, she couldn’t scrub the rage out.
“Is this how it will be with you now?” Mother broke through Helene’s thoughts, her voice pinched with exasperation.
“How what will be?” Helene tore her eyes from the trees and leaned back against the seat to face Mother.
The look on Mother’s face said you know what, but she explained herself anyway. “I’ve been staring at your unhappy fish face for months. I’ve been patient, but now I’ve had enough. Get over it. I did.”
The words were splinters, lodging under Helene’s skin. From the one person who should be her ally! It wasn’t fair. Mother was the one who’d made her believe she was doing the right thing, who’d dragged her through months of preparation, who’d told her she would be rewarded for it.
“It wasn’t easy for me either,” Mother said, pointing a finger at Helene. “By God, it wasn’t. The preparations, the correspondence, the dowry. All without the help of any other person in the house!”
Angry tears beaded at the corners of Helene’s eyes. The failure never stopped needling. The loss never shrank.
Mother’s tone went softer than usual. “It’s fine, sweetheart. Don’t cry.” She reached a hand across the carriage and patted Helene’s knee. “Think of it this way: you’ll be there to take care of me when I’m old. Sisi would have killed me prematurely.”
Another splinter. Another hurt to add to the pile. Her mother saw this as the end of Helene’s hopes. She thought that because one man, one emperor, didn’t love Helene, no one else ever would. Helene sat in the astonishing hurt of it.