Chapters (68)
- Cover
- Dedication
- 1853
- PART I
- ONE
- TWO
- THREE
- FOUR
- FIVE
- SIX
- SEVEN
- EIGHT
- NINE
- TEN
- ELEVEN
- TWELVE
- THIRTEEN
- FOURTEEN
- FIFTEEN
- SIXTEEN
- SEVENTEEN
- EIGHTEEN
- NINETEEN
- TWENTY
- TWENTY-ONE
- TWENTY-TWO
- TWENTY-THREE
- TWENTY-FOUR
- TWENTY-FIVE
- TWENTY-SIX
- TWENTY-SEVEN
- TWENTY-EIGHT
- TWENTY-NINE
- THIRTY
- THIRTY-ONE
- THIRTY-TWO
- THIRTY-THREE
- THIRTY-FOUR
- THIRTY-FIVE
- THIRTY-SIX
- 1854
- PART II
- THIRTY-SEVEN
- THIRTY-EIGHT
- THIRTY-NINE
- FORTY
- FORTY-ONE
- FORTY-TWO
- FORTY-THREE
- FORTY-FOUR
- FORTY-FIVE
- FORTY-SIX
- FORTY-SEVEN
- FORTY-EIGHT
- FORTY-NINE
- FIFTY
- FIFTY-ONE
- FIFTY-TWO
- FIFTY-THREE
- FIFTY-FOUR
- FIFTY-FIVE
- FIFTY-SIX
- FIFTY-SEVEN
- FIFTY-EIGHT
- FIFTY-NINE
- SIXTY
- ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
- ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Helene’s heart pushed and pulled in her chest, part of it reaching toward her sister, knowing that Sisi must be overwhelmed by it all. The other part drawing back: Sisi had chosen—stolen—this life for herself. Helene was tired of being the bigger person; she kept her hand resolutely at her side, clutched her skirt to make sure it didn’t betray her with a reassuring touch on Sisi’s arm.
Sophie was motioning to several servants who waited silently at the top of the stairs. “Here we are. Now, please show Their Highnesses the new rose gardens.”
She took Sisi by the elbow, waving Helene and Mother away. They were to follow the servants. Helene tucked away her anger. She couldn’t tell which would have been worse: being denied the private tour with Sophie or being forced to take it knowing it wasn’t for her.
“Néné. Wait.” It was Sisi this time, her voice pleading, and oh, how Helene’s feelings shifted. Where she’d resented being sent away only seconds ago, now she relished it. Relished how alone it left her sister. If Sisi needed Helene’s help, she should have thought about that before ruining her life.
“It’s Helene.” She turned resolutely away and marched on, following the servants. And it wasn’t until she was around the corner, down the diamond-patterned hall, that her anger dimmed. Shame—her new unshakable friend—rose up to drown it out.
Helene, is this really who you want to be? she asked herself silently.
It wasn’t. It made her feel—
Out of control. A screaming, thundering avalanche. A destructive, dangerous thing that couldn’t stop itself.
She kept walking, shoes tapping out a too-fast rhythm on the marble floors, hating herself more with every step.
FORTY-FIVE
ELISABETH WATCHED HELENE GO, HER WHOLE HEART A bruise. It wasn’t even about Elisabeth anymore; now she was just concerned that Helene would never be the same again. That she—Elisabeth—had broken something that couldn’t be mended. Helene’s fury was a fire and Elisabeth worried she’d burn herself down to ash.
Where was the Helene who’d always saved her? The Helene who’d sacrificed the soles of her feet to sticks and thorns to chase Sisi down the river? The Helene who’d hidden her in a trunk when the trouser-unbuttoning count had come calling? Would she never see her again?
“She won’t talk to me anymore. Not a word.” Elisabeth’s voice was smaller than usual.
Sophie reached across her then, taking her shoulder and gently guiding her down the ornate hall.
“We seek forgiveness from God alone, Elisabeth,” she said simply. “Anything else is vanity. Not to mention a waste of time.”