Chapters (68)
- Cover
- Dedication
- 1853
- PART I
- ONE
- TWO
- THREE
- FOUR
- FIVE
- SIX
- SEVEN
- EIGHT
- NINE
- TEN
- ELEVEN
- TWELVE
- THIRTEEN
- FOURTEEN
- FIFTEEN
- SIXTEEN
- SEVENTEEN
- EIGHTEEN
- NINETEEN
- TWENTY
- TWENTY-ONE
- TWENTY-TWO
- TWENTY-THREE
- TWENTY-FOUR
- TWENTY-FIVE
- TWENTY-SIX
- TWENTY-SEVEN
- TWENTY-EIGHT
- TWENTY-NINE
- THIRTY
- THIRTY-ONE
- THIRTY-TWO
- THIRTY-THREE
- THIRTY-FOUR
- THIRTY-FIVE
- THIRTY-SIX
- 1854
- PART II
- THIRTY-SEVEN
- THIRTY-EIGHT
- THIRTY-NINE
- FORTY
- FORTY-ONE
- FORTY-TWO
- FORTY-THREE
- FORTY-FOUR
- FORTY-FIVE
- FORTY-SIX
- FORTY-SEVEN
- FORTY-EIGHT
- FORTY-NINE
- FIFTY
- FIFTY-ONE
- FIFTY-TWO
- FIFTY-THREE
- FIFTY-FOUR
- FIFTY-FIVE
- FIFTY-SIX
- FIFTY-SEVEN
- FIFTY-EIGHT
- FIFTY-NINE
- SIXTY
- ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
- ABOUT THE AUTHOR
“No, please. I’d like—” She started but didn’t finish. I’d like to stay. I’d like to speak to you privately. I’d like to change this arcane ritual.
“It’s better you rest,” Franz said again, this time firmer.
The knot in Elisabeth’s chest grew tighter. It was always the same. Men behaved badly. They undid their trousers at dinner, told her that her dreams didn’t matter, touched her without permission. And it was always she who was sent away. Punished. Silenced.
Is this what her life would be like—even now? Even with a man she’d thought really understood her. It would be just like home, but with a new set of keepers. Mother replaced with Esterházy, with priests, with ladies, maids, and doctors with sharp funnels burrowing into tender places. Now a hundred people to hurt her instead of just one.
“But—” She tried once more.
“I insist.” Franz closed the conversation.
He held a hand out to her, and she ignored it. She had to leave this room before she fell apart. Before the cracks in her fragile soul shattered her into too many pieces to put back together.
Maxi met her eye as she turned, and she saw something there that almost hurt more. Understanding. He had told her earlier that day that he was her ally at court, but she hadn’t believed him. Now she did.
As the doors closed behind her, leaving her alone in the quiet, dim hall, the tears came quickly, doubts crashing down on her with each wave.
Had she made a terrible mistake? Should she run now and leave Helene to be empress if she still wanted it? And could she ever trust any of them again after this?
The only marriage she’d seen up close was her parents’ and something ominous wrapped itself around her heart now, thinking about them. Was this how it started? A misunderstanding, dismissal, a refusal to see the pain of the person you loved—and the next thing you knew, all you could do was hurt each other?
When Elisabeth got back to her rooms, the first thing she did was write a poem on tear-stained paper:
Will the North Sea rumble,
Tell me that I broke my own heart?
The naive thing fooled me,
And I hate every deception.
FIFTY-FIVE
FRANZ EXCUSED HIMSELF AND STEPPED ONTO THE balcony, staring out over grounds flickering with lamplight. Elisabeth’s refusal to take his hand stung. Sending her away stung too.
Stung and worried him.