Chapters (68)
- Cover
- Dedication
- 1853
- PART I
- ONE
- TWO
- THREE
- FOUR
- FIVE
- SIX
- SEVEN
- EIGHT
- NINE
- TEN
- ELEVEN
- TWELVE
- THIRTEEN
- FOURTEEN
- FIFTEEN
- SIXTEEN
- SEVENTEEN
- EIGHTEEN
- NINETEEN
- TWENTY
- TWENTY-ONE
- TWENTY-TWO
- TWENTY-THREE
- TWENTY-FOUR
- TWENTY-FIVE
- TWENTY-SIX
- TWENTY-SEVEN
- TWENTY-EIGHT
- TWENTY-NINE
- THIRTY
- THIRTY-ONE
- THIRTY-TWO
- THIRTY-THREE
- THIRTY-FOUR
- THIRTY-FIVE
- THIRTY-SIX
- 1854
- PART II
- THIRTY-SEVEN
- THIRTY-EIGHT
- THIRTY-NINE
- FORTY
- FORTY-ONE
- FORTY-TWO
- FORTY-THREE
- FORTY-FOUR
- FORTY-FIVE
- FORTY-SIX
- FORTY-SEVEN
- FORTY-EIGHT
- FORTY-NINE
- FIFTY
- FIFTY-ONE
- FIFTY-TWO
- FIFTY-THREE
- FIFTY-FOUR
- FIFTY-FIVE
- FIFTY-SIX
- FIFTY-SEVEN
- FIFTY-EIGHT
- FIFTY-NINE
- SIXTY
- ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
- ABOUT THE AUTHOR
The thing that existed between him and Elisabeth would be crushed by it. She would be crushed by it. She had been the one who was right last night. Right to remind him he was marrying Helene, right to run away, right to stop him from going further than a kiss.
The nightmare was the world he lived in. The kiss was the dream.
Franz was suddenly certain he couldn’t have both.
THIRTY
IF ONLY ELISABETH HAD MET FRANZ BEFORE. BEFORE THE dukes and the counts. Before the letter had come with Helene’s name on it instead of Elisabeth’s. Before arrangements and expectations and threats of asylums bound together to build an impenetrable wall.
Back in her bed that night, with Helene still fast asleep beside her, Elisabeth had traced a finger along a page in her diary wet with tears:
Too late we met
On life’s sharp path
It had already carried us too far—
The unstoppable wheel of time.
Too late,
Your fathoms-deep eyes
Drew me in like magnets.
She’d fallen asleep on her stomach, her diary still turned to that page, her face pressed against it. A poem that was more than a poem, for a friend who was more than a friend.
Now it was a new day. The new day. The day Franz was supposed to announce his engagement to Helene. It was the end of something that had only just begun, possibility cut off at the legs. Elisabeth wished the dresses hadn’t arrived yesterday; mourning clothes would have been more fitting.
She hoped none of her feelings were visible on her face as she stood in the velvet-trimmed dressing room and watched them fit Helene’s gown. It was stunning: bright pink slipping off ivory shoulders, billowing out at the sleeves and the waist. Helene was a flower, a garden, the brightest thing in the room. Franz would propose to her, and she would grow brighter still.
Elisabeth wished it could be different, and then hated herself for the wish. Wanted to shove it in her mouth like Néné’s unfinished will-o’-the-wisp. She was supposed to be here supporting her sister. Instead, she was wishing her pain. Still secretly wishing that Franz would say no. No to his mother. No to the arrangements. Yes to an impossible thing: a life with Elisabeth. The very thing Elisabeth had said no to just hours before.
The seamstress stepped back from where she’d been tidying Helene’s hem, and Helene twirled, skirt sweeping outward, swirling in the half dozen mirrors arranged around them.
“Beautiful.” Mother’s face was alight with a rare, unbridled smile. “Helene, you’ve grown so slender. It’s very becoming.”
Helene smiled and cast her eyes downward, then looked up at Elisabeth. “What do you think?”