And it comes to me in a heady rush exactly what I need to do. I can’t get rid of the black wolf because in the end it’s not some external thing invading me, taking over – it’s part of me. I just have to learn to live with it, control it enough that I can unleash it when needed. And, really, it’s not like the black and white are opposing each other; it’s more that they are complementary in some way. It’s just a question of having the right balance between them.

Kush yawns and rests his head on my thigh. His eyebrows twitch a few times then he closes his eyes. He stays like that whilst I finish the joint. Once I’ve got down to the end I flick it off into the darkness, the tiny luminous tip spiralling down towards the water. It hisses as it makes contact.

‘C’mon,’ I say, getting up, stretching my arms over my head. ‘Let’s go get something to eat.’

I turn round to see a figure standing a few metres away watching me. I didn’t hear her arrive, and don’t know how long she’s been there.

‘Hey,’ Tanya says.

Hearing her voice again brings everything into focus. I’ve had so many days stolen from me that I can’t imagine losing any more.

I step forward and pull her into my arms.

Acknowledgements

My thanks go to Joel Richardson at Penguin who inherited this book but took it under his wing nevertheless, and applied his thoughtful and insightful editing throughout. My agent, Simon Trewin at WME, for sage advice and clandestine garden centre meet-ups. Jennie Roman for an extremely sensitive copy-edit and Sarah Kennedy for the final polish. Trevor Thrower who advised me on technical aspects relating to car repairs. Mary Jain for her continued support and guidance. To the people who have to remain anonymous because they’ve been forced to break the law in order to treat their conditions: what you’ve suffered is appalling and nothing short of a travesty. Here’s to the change being swift and decisive.

And to Zara, who continues to amaze and inspire.

I now have absolute proof that smoking even one marijuana cigarette is equal in brain damage to being on Bikini Island during an H bomb blast.

Ronald Reagan

The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment to full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity and fellowship so desperately needed in this increasingly mad and dangerous world.

Carl Sagan

WELCOME TO AMSTERDAM

‘Utterly enthralling … looks set to be one of the key sequences in modern crime fiction’ Crime Time

‘This is a great debut’ Crime Fiction Lover