‘What have you got to lose? At worst she’ll just ignore you. But I think it’s time.’

I take a few more inhales just to steady me off. Several ducks float by, though they don’t seem interested in what I’d dropped. Probably just as well. They seem pretty stress-free; don’t look like they need it. Suddenly I hate myself for being weak, for having to medicate just to survive. Another swelling wave: this time it’s self-pity.

‘Jaap, I really think you should call her. Before it’s too late.’

Too late. The saddest words in any language.

As we walk to the door I ask her if I can take Hank’s notes and she agrees. She opens it and we see a harried-looking courier racing back to his white van and speeding off.

‘I feel like I’m failing,’ she says.

I hold her for a few moments. She seems so delicate, even though she’s probably the strongest person I know.

‘You’re doing the right thing. Hank would say the same.’

‘So you’ll be here if it happens?’ she finally asks.

I tell her I will. Even though I can’t think of anything worse.

Knocking the Walls Off

I can’t stop thinking about it as I drive through the tunnel under the IJ heading south. Hank’s life ending at the flick of a switch. Alive. Click. Dead.

As the narrow sides open up and we shoot out from under the NEMO building, Roemers gets me on the phone. I feel a quick rush of relief before I realize this all seems so familiar, distracting myself with work. Not good.

‘Remember the guy you wanted me to find, Huisman?’

‘You know, those Alzheimer’s meds must be working. What about him?’

‘You didn’t get this from me, all right?’

‘I don’t even know who you are.’

‘Promise.’

Next to me the dog barks.

‘Will that do?’

He gives me an address and hangs up. I should really call Vermeer or Jansen. But I find myself making a U-turn and heading towards the address. On the way I pass the Boerejongens coffeeshop on Baarjesweg. I’ve never been in, but it’s supposedly got the kind of stuff most of the tourist-focused places don’t; all their cannabis is organically produced, for starters. The bud Joel gave me yesterday isn’t going to last long at the current rate so I pull up outside and leave the dog in the Stang.