She wished that she was enough for him, that Jake was enough for him. She hated him. She hated the things he did to her. She hated the way he made her question everything – even her own sanity. But she loved him too. She wished she didn’t; that she was not so connected to him as she was; that her happiness and her sadness were not his to control. She supposed that he loved her in his own messed up way, and she knew that he loved Jake. But she also knew that their normal life could never be enough for him – and it broke her heart.

It was almost daylight when Nathan started to stir. Grace watched him from the armchair. He still struggled to move his limbs, but he opened his eyes and looked at her.

‘Nathan, you scared the hell out of me. What were you thinking?’

He mumbled something about not knowing what he was taking. She knelt beside him on the floor, taking the damp cloth from his forehead and pushing his hair from his face.

He tried to reach his arm out to touch her but couldn’t quite manage it.

‘I love you, Grace. I’m sorry,’ he said, and in that moment, she believed he actually meant it.

‘It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.’

‘No, I’m sorry for everything, Grace, I really am. I’m going to do better I promise.’

She nodded at him. She’d heard it all before.

Chapter Sixty-Six

Present Day

‘Have you seen Dad lately?’ Jake asked Grace as he took a packet of crisps from behind the bar.

‘Not for a week or so, son. Why?’

‘I’ve not heard from him much, that’s all. I phoned him a few times, but he didn’t get back to me.’

‘You know your dad, he’s probably just got a lot on,’ she said as she busied herself clearing some glasses.

‘You don’t think he’s pissed off with me or something, do you?’

She gave Jake her full attention now. ‘No, of course not. Why would he be?’

‘I don’t know,’ he shrugged. ‘He usually phones me all the time.’

‘I’m sure he’s just busy.’ She feigned a smile. She despised how much Jake idolized that man. It made her stomach churn to see how anxious he was for his father’s approval. He should have been enjoying himself in university and instead he was worrying about not hearing from Nathan. That hold on his son was what made Grace fear Jake joining Nathan in their line of work one day.