Or Elise.

Or Jack himself, here to tell me it was just a nightmare and he was fine all along and that everything would be okay. Or that this was actually a prank gone too far and I was just too gullible.

“Do you need to use the restroom?” Vera asks me. “Now’s the time.”

With everyone’s eyes on me, I just want to disappear, but I can’t make myself move. Elise would never freeze up like this. She always knew what to do. Part of me longs for her to tell me how to feel, what to say. I need her, I need her.

But the thought of seeing her again twists my stomach and I feel sick.

“Remy?” Vera says, concerned.

I shake my head, no, too afraid of what will happen if Elise is waiting for me in the restroom, what I’ll say if I see her now.

The heel of my foot taps and taps the floor, faster and faster, matching my heartbeat. My hands are unsteady, fingers vibrating.

Exhaustion and fear tighten their grip on me, but there’s something else too, right under the surface, and it takes everything I have to keep it there.

I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it.

Jack’s really gone. One last time, I think. Just one more time, let me hold him in my arms. It’s all I ask, all I want.

But even as I whisper the words in my mind, I know it’s a lie. If I had him in my arms again, I’d never, ever let go. As desperation claws at my throat, I shiver and shake—anything to keep a scream from escaping.

Knowing what happened doesn’t help. Knowing it was an accident doesn’t change the fact that he’s gone and Elise is the one who took him from me.

I glance at the front doors, then down the hall. I know she’s here somewhere. I can feel that invisible push and pull whenever she’s near, like she is a star and I am a captured object.

If I had any sense of self-preservation I would cut the tether and leave her behind. I would follow the plan Vera has set out for me. Give my bare-bones statement. Tell my story in as few words as possible. Maintain my innocence and cooperate without giving them anything that could be used against me. Protect myself and only myself.

“You don’t understand the trouble you’re in,” my mother said that morning before Vera arrived.

“This is the rest of your life we’re talking about. Do you want to spend it in prison? Do you?” Dad said, but all I could think about was how I’d lost everything already. How I’d spend the rest of my life without Jack, without Elise. How impossible and lonely the future seemed.

“Do you know what it’s like in prison? It isn’t summer camp.”

“You have to remember: You didn’t do anything wrong. You weren’t the one who pulled the trigger and you weren’t anywhere near them when it happened.”