“Okay,” Madison said. “I’m in.”

Elise glanced over at me, and it felt like there was no space between us, like looking at her alone was enough to feel electric. Are you with me? she was asking.

There was a time I would’ve run into battle for her without hesitation, but now I wasn’t so sure. It used to feel like she was the only one who really knew me, the only one who could ever know me, but now I wondered if that was true. Finally I tilted my head down ever so slightly in acknowledgment, and she smiled at me.

• • •

It was pitch-black when Elise and I went back to the Pink Mansion. We put blankets down on the balcony and lay there, smoking and watching the dark, dark sky, the moon and stars hidden behind a thick cover of clouds.

“Promise me something,” she said, eyes vulnerable, all her usual confidence gone.

“What?” I looked at her with concern. It was scary, seeing her like this.

“Promise me that you’ll never leave me.” She sounded unusually despondent, almost like I’d already left. “I need you.”

“Don’t be silly,” I said, tapping my cigarette against a mug beside me.

“I’m not. People are always leaving me.” She was talking about her mom. “Sometimes I think I’m just this black hole of need. That I just need and need and need. That I’m too much for anyone to handle. And that’s why they always leave.”

“I won’t leave,” I said fiercely, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “And I need you, too.” I remembered everything she’d done for me, how she’d been there for me. I had to be here for her.

“You’ll never choose someone over me?” she said.

“Never,” I promised, even though it felt like she was only asking this question now that I had someone else in my life.

“You won’t get all wrapped up with Jack and forget about me?” she asked.

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Promise me you won’t ever choose him over me,” she insisted.

“I promise,” I said. “There, happy?” I couldn’t believe she’d felt so threatened by Jack so soon, but maybe it was just because of the weekend and how awful it’d been for her.

Elise answered with a smile and rested her head on my shoulder. The weekend had been a roller coaster, but as we lay there, I had every reason to think we were back on solid ground.

SPRING BREAK // DAYS 210–219

FRIDAY // APRIL 7

35.

The next time I saw Jack, I turned off my phone and didn’t tell Elise where I was going. It was the first night of spring break and I knew she’d want to spend it staying out late, the five of us, maybe go to the football field, but all I wanted was to see Jack again. I felt a little bad, but I just wanted to avoid a repeat of last time. She couldn’t crash our date if she didn’t know where I was.