The Best Lies

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FOR JEN FAN AND AMANDA YAO

MONDAY // AUGUST 28 // DAY 353

1.

You never know when it’s the last time.

You never think, This is the last time I’ll ever see his smile, shy and full of secrets meant only for me, the last time I’ll ever hold his hand or kiss his face or lose myself in the warmth of his brown eyes.

Jack’s gone now and there was no time to say goodbye. To share one last smile, a final kiss.

I’ll never see him again.

It’s been three hours since I held Jack in my arms and I’ll never hear his voice again, the way he laughed freely, the way he said my name, Remy, whispered like a prayer in the dark.

Three hours since strangers pulled me away from his body, and I’ll never run my fingers through his dark hair, never feel the heat of his touch against my skin.

Three hours since Elise pointed a gun at him, and I’ll never taste his kiss again, breathe in the scent of his peppermint shampoo.

“We need to come up with a story,” my parents tell me. Something to give the police, something to explain what happened, what I was doing there.

They want me to lie but they won’t say that word, they won’t say lie. My parents, they want to protect me. I can see the fear in their eyes. They fear for me, what might happen to me. But there’s something else too, a different kind of fear.

They’re not just afraid for me, they’re afraid of me.

• • •

Here is the truth.

I was born Katherine Remy Tsai, but everyone calls me Remy. I used to know how my story would turn out, but now I have no idea what tomorrow will look like. I used to know what laughter felt like, but now I can’t imagine smiling ever again.

I live in the north suburbs of Atlanta, in a town called Lyndens Creek. There is no creek, though, none I’ve ever heard of, and I was born here. It used to be farmland, just hills and animals. Now it’s a nice town, with nice people, the kind who could never, ever fire six bullets into someone’s chest.

There are nice schools here, and we went to one of them, Riverside High, known for its terrible football team and soaring SAT scores. The kind of school funded by sprawling golf-course communities where retired lawyers and men of business putter around, and where I fell in love with Jack under a blanket of stars.