Detective Ward isn’t in the room when we return. Vera keeps asking me if I’m okay, telling me that we really could come back tomorrow, but I just shake my head. I’m exhausted and shivering and in pain, but if I don’t do this now, I’ll lose my nerve. I always wanted to be more like Elise, who never second-guessed herself. I thought it was pure confidence, maybe even arrogance, but that wasn’t it. She simply trusted herself and that’s what I have to do now, trust myself. Trust her.

Taking a deep breath, I sit down at the table and press my palms against the cool surface. When Detective Ward finally comes back, she pauses at the door, leaning against the frame. “Ready?” she asks, one eyebrow raised. I nod. Detective Ward turns on the camera and sits down in front of me, crossing her legs, examining me. “Why don’t we start over at the beginning.”

Is it really lying if it’s in service of the truth? The truth is complicated, this lie is simpler. But both roads end in the same destination: This was an accident, pure and simple. One is long and winding, the other is a straighter line.

Jack, I think, would understand. He didn’t believe in revenge, an eye for an eye, and I can’t imagine that the Jack I knew would want Elise to go to prison for the rest of her life for a mistake—something that couldn’t have been her fault.

I remember what he said to me once: “You’re still here, you’ve survived so far, and you’ll survive this, too, and whatever else comes your way.” I’m just trying to survive. I’m just trying to hold myself together.

The camera glares at me, its red light blinking steadily, a time bomb counting off the seconds before detonation. I stare back, unflinching.

I can’t save him, but maybe, just maybe, I can save her.

SUNDAY // SEPTEMBER 11 // DAY 2

11.

The night of homecoming, Elise pulled up to my house in the early hours of Sunday morning, the windows dark, everyone asleep. We were still giggling in the Pink Caddy, and feeling a little starstruck, I didn’t want to leave her side.

I felt light, like I was floating, like I could fly. Her spark was contagious, brighter than the fireworks we’d set off earlier.

“Come on,” I whispered, leading Elise around the house, down to the backyard. We sat by my pool to smoke, lighting matches and tossing them into the water.

When the night grew too cold, we ducked into the basement for blankets, and that was when I heard their voices upstairs.

“You can’t be fucking serious!” my mom screamed. “How dumb do you think I am?”

“It happened one time. You’re never going to let it go. One time and you’re never going to forgive me, are you?” he shouted back.

I looked at Elise and panicked. Coming back here was a bad idea. All the lights were off—I thought they were asleep or I would never have let Elise stay.