When I sat down in the orange chair, I reminded myself to play down my buoyant mood. Here, I was a victim of rape, struggling to deal with the trauma. It wasn’t a lie, but I didn’t want to seem like I was making too much progress. Who knew where my notes might end up in weeks to come?

Doctor Almara sat back in her seat, notepad in lap, her face impassive as I told her about my redundancy and how the circumstances around that had left me feeling low.

‘Maybe you should try and focus on the positives of the situation. A new start, a chance to begin again, somewhere different. You can be whoever you want to be. How are the feelings of anxiety? Are they lessening with the medication?’

‘A bit. It’s slow but I’m making progress. I managed to go outside in the dark, which is something I’ve been avoiding.’

‘And how did that make you feel?’

‘Nervous at first and then angry at why I should have to feel scared.’

‘These victories are important. Small steps lead to big changes. You should feel proud of yourself. May I ask what led to the change of appearance?’ She waved her hand towards my hair, the beginnings of a smile on her lips.

I ran my hand through the platinum strands. ‘I wanted a change.’ I wanted to look different, no longer Eve the victim.

‘Has it made you feel better?’

‘Yes.’ I wasn’t going to tell her about my plans for Ian. They would make me feel more than just ‘better’.

She asked if I had started writing a journal or drawing yet. I told her I hadn’t, but it gave me an idea and I bought a notebook on the way home.

Monday 13 November 2017

I was making slow progress with Ian at the gym. He still hadn’t spoken to me, but we had moved on to nods of acknowledgement and a smile. Mine was forced, but his was at ease as we passed on my way to the water fountain. I knew I’d get there, he chatted animatedly with some of the other regulars; I just had to bide my time.

I tried to get to the boxing club as much as I could. Jason had made me an offer, even drawing up a contract with flexible working hours, paid holiday and mandatory pension contributions. It was a significant drop in salary, but I expected that. It was a well-known fact that the fitness industry wasn’t the best paid. I’d look around for waitressing or some other evening work if I couldn’t manage.