‘Shame. Guilt. Disgust,’ I sobbed. She’d broken me with a few words and a gentle push. It had all spilled out. I reached for a tissue.

‘Tell me where the shame comes from?’

‘I don’t know, perhaps shame is the wrong word, but I feel tainted. I don’t know how I’ll manage, I mean, when someone touches me.’

‘Someone you want to touch you?’ she clarified.

Yes. Ben, when Ben touches me I want to be okay with it.

‘Yes,’ I replied.

‘I think that will take time and when you choose to let it happen you must feel ready. It must be your decision. It would help if this person knew why intimacy could be an issue.’

I blew my nose. The sound echoed around the room. Her face was a mask and I couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

‘Is there a partner at home?’ she probed.

I shook my head.

‘Okay, tell me about the guilt,’ she continued.

I sighed, not wanting to get into it.

‘There’s elements of the case I feel guilty about. Things I could have done to help the police.’

‘It’s their job to catch him. The responsibility doesn’t lie with you.’

I nodded. Still the weight of it remained upon my shoulders.

‘Has anyone spoken to you about Victim Support, they run groups and workshops in the area where you can meet with people who have been through similar experiences.’

‘The detective on my case mentioned it.’

She slid a red leaflet out of her notebook and handed it to me. I held it in my lap. I had no intention of joining any kind of support group. Sitting around in a circle, telling complete strangers what I’d been through? It wasn’t for me. I was not going to allow myself to be his victim.

‘Who have you got at home? Do you live with your parents or on your own?’

‘No, I have a flatmate, Ben.’

‘Are you close?’

‘Close-ish.’

‘Have you told him what happened to you?’

‘Yes, he knows.’

‘What about other friends. Do you have a support network you can turn to when you need it?’

‘My best friend, Jane, isn’t too far away, but my mum lives in Norfolk.’

Dr Almara stood and turned to a cabinet in the corner of the room. ‘Would you like some water?’

‘Please.’

She poured two glasses and brought them back to the coffee table.

‘How would you like me to try and help you, Eve?’

‘I want to get rid of the rage,’ I admitted.

‘Okay, let’s focus on that for this session. We could work on some relaxation techniques? Tell me, are you exercising at the moment?’

‘Yes, I run and box most days.’