Relax. I can do this. I don’t even have to lie, it’s more bending the truth. I sip my coffee, use the seconds to gather my thoughts and wipe my eyes on the blanket. The stage is set.

‘We met at the gym. Pulse, in town. I signed up a few months ago. It was an offer, ten months for the price of twelve.’

‘Okay, so Ian attended the same gym?’

The continuous use of his name makes me twitch. It sounds so normal, not fitting for the monster he was.

‘Yes. We went at similar times, so we’d smile and say hello. He was one of the regulars.’

‘When did you first speak to each other?’

‘I think it was about two months ago. He was waiting for a weights machine to come free and we chatted at the water fountain.’

I sniff, and Hicks pushes a tissue box towards me. I can’t work out if he is being polite or just irritated by my sniffing. I hope it’s the latter, but I take the tissue and blow my nose.

‘What did he say, do you remember?’ Becker leans forward in her seat, taking notes in a spiral-bound book. Hicks has his arms crossed, staring at me intently. I feel a flush rise in my neck.

‘Just hello, he joked about the machines always being full, I think. He seemed friendly, normal.’

‘Did you get the impression he liked you?’ Hicks asks, his forehead wrinkling.

‘I guess so. I didn’t think much of it at the time. He used to watch me run, it made me feel embarrassed.’

Becker nods. ‘Did you think he was creepy?’

‘No, not then. Not at all really, not until last night.’ I let out a sob and Hicks looks like he’d rather be anywhere else than here. ‘He was clawing at my clothes. Like an animal.’ I’m weeping again, and I know I’ll have a headache before long.

The detectives glance at each other but I can’t read them. Perplexed maybe? Sympathetic? I’m not sure yet.

‘I just want to go home!’ I wail.

It’s true, I’m shattered and want a long bath. I want to hibernate for at least a week, but there is no way that is going to happen yet. I have to try and get out of here today.

Monday 25 September 2017

Ben headed off to bed and I stared at my phone. I couldn’t face talking to my boss, Stuart. It was difficult enough to say and, ridiculously, I felt embarrassed having to say it to a man. I’d go direct to human resources. Debbie was the closest person to me at work. After a few rings, she answered, sounding puffed out with a cheery ‘hello’. She must have ran to grab the phone.